Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Why Is Ohio So Boring?
Yes, it's time to bag on Ohio. Dont' get me wrong, it's a nice place to live, but that's all it is. It isn't fun, adventurous, thrilling, amazingly beautiful, etc. It's boring... very very boring. You can do all of the fun things this state has to offer in one week. After that, it's all down hill. If I were interested in living a quiet life, this place might work. Sadly for me, Quiet=Boring.
I need weather that changes from day to day, or is mostly sunny and warm. These gray skies aren't cutting it out here. Also, why do people build homes and cities next to rivers that flood EVERY STINK'N YEAR?? Flood my house once, shame on you, flood it twice, shame on me, flood it every year, I'm a absolute dunce for living in a flood zone. Come-freak'n-On here!
There is more crime here than in LA. There are more cars stolen here in Dayton then any city I've ever been to. More rapes, robberies, etc. Lots of drugs... okay, I shoudn't point all of this out. It's common almost everywhere. Maybe I'm just griping too much here.
The point is, I'm bored. I can't even look out the window of my office because it's so boring. My monitor is much more appealing than the view outside. WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END?
Another thing about Ohio is that it's residents are all hardcore OSU fans. My question is... why? Why would you want OSU urinal cakes and car stickers and OSU hot dogs and sport coats and wagons for the kidlings? I wonder how many weddings have had Red/White/Grey color schemes around here? How many baby rooms are filled with OSU mementos to indoctrinate the young? Why... why why why? Yes, it's great to have a favorite team, but why make it the center of your life? No telling how many people would commit suicide if the team ever lost 3 games in a row. Of course committing suicide around here wouldn't be in the form of downing tainted OSU red Kool-Aid. It would be all of the OSU fans leaving bars and pubs and driving home after drinking 30 beers each as opposed to the standard 20 beers if their team had won. That slight increase of intoxication would cause more post-game motor deaths than usual.
I'm starting to see a connection here. Let me put it in mathematical terms:
Ohio = (Boredom/alcohol) x (OSU). Ohio is naturally boring, so its citizenry dilutes that boredom with alcohol, and then multiplies it all by focusing all of their life's energy on a football team. (Wow, I even amaze myself occasionally. I wonder if this is how Einstein felt when he proved his theory of relativity.)
In summary, Ohio is boring... I'm ready to move on. We'll all be moving this summer, preferably near an actual beach. The thought of that is all that is keeping me going now.
In a few months I'll be clawing my way to the finish line like a man stranded in the Sahara with an oasis in sight, repeating over and over again... 'almost there, almost there.'
God help us all. (especially if an OSU fan reads this post)
Meaningful Quote from "Office Space"
Peter- So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means, that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr.Swanson -What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter- Yeah.
Dr. Swanson- Wow, that's messed up.
posted by El Capitan at 9:46 AM
7 Comments:
said...
I cannot wait to get out of BORING OSU OHIO!!!
Signed El CAPTINS Step-daughter.
said...
I can't stand Ohio anymore either! You are right on the money, hit the nail on the head!!! This is the most boring state, town, weather and people!
6:17 PM said...
I have been in Ohio for 3 very LONG FREAKIN years. I used to love life. My kids enjoyed school vacations and we were always on the go. Then came... Ohio.
3 years later my brain has shriveled the kids have become game addicts and I have no hope for the future.
We are not the walking fishing type so were screwed. We sit in the house now month and month after month and do nothing......
said...
OMG I am SO happy I am not alone. As a 5 LONG LONG miserable year transplant I completely agree.
I can no longer feel my brain cells dying and thats scary!
We were such an active family museums, the beach, always someplace to go something to do now.. endless days of boardom.
School vacations are a mightmare 10 days of video games and tv.
I is like the state sucks the life out of you!
The crime is outrageous and the attitudes of the locals is puzzling at best.
After 5 years I am still looking for something positive and I am still failing :(
said...
Lived in Ohio all my life... The best you could do there was get high, drink, or eat. Nothing else or it's vandalism and as well as hiding in your basement all day long. (-_-)
2:16 PM said...
Ohio is a great college state, with around 10 fantastic schools and many very good one. (Dayton, Xavier, Miami, U of Cincinatti, amd of course OSU) people love ohio state here because back in the late 70s and early 80s, everyone went there. Cleveland is by far my favorite of the three main cities (Columbus and Cincinatti), it is very similar to a small chicago. Amazing theater district, and even thought the teams are bad, the fans are amazing, get out to see a tribe game, much better than other baseball experience. Several amazing schools make it a great place for family. St ignatius and St eds are two of the greatest high schools in the nation both on and off the field, Solon, on the east side of cleveland, usually places top three nationally in science olympiad. A lot of upper middle class families do very well, the west side of cleveland is virtually crime free and the best suburbs, while expensive, have been named top ten places to live with a family ( bay village, avon lake) but most people coming from cheap nyc apartments see a mid size home for 450k and run away screaming. All in all a fantastic place for many, but not for all.
8:45 PM said...
It's the single most depressing and dead place I've been too. The skies are grey the people lack diversit, getting out of here in 5 weeks never been more excited
1:32 PM