Wednesday, June 29, 2005
All Hell Has Broken Loose
We've reportedly just upgraded to DEFCON 3.
-The subs have been released.
-The B-2s are airborne.
-The 'Football' is open and the safety was removed.
-Our troops currently in the Middle East are packing up and headed north.
-Most importantly, the pizzas have been ordered for the War Room.
Why the commotion? "Russian President Vladimir Putin walked off with New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft's diamond-encrusted 2005 Super Bowl ring." (Hat tip Ace)
...all the while the UN is working diligently to draft a letter to the Russian Federation to tell them that if they don't return the ring, the security council will hold additional meetings to determine if they should write a second, more stern letter, telling Russia that the UN is very, very, very displeased with them.
Putin was last reported hospitalized due to uncontrollable fits of laughter.
UPDATE: I was just informed by Dave at Garfield Ridge that the National Security Council has scrubbed the bombers and has contacted General Beringer. (aka Barry Corbin) He's currently 'pissing on a sparkplug' to make things better.
posted by El Capitan at 1:30 PM
Flush the bombers! Find Barry Corbin!8:31 PM