Wednesday, August 31, 2005
An Air Force Perspective on Katrina

Hurricane Katrina's path cut right between New Orleans and Biloxi Mississippi. The death and destruction is still difficult to comprehend, as is the lawlessness and disregard for human life, but thankfully a majority of people are helping others and giving everything for their fellow man.

The United States Air Force was not immune to the destructive forces of Katrina. Whereas we train day and night to avoid terrorist attacks on our facilities and personnel, 12 hours of high winds and storm surge have dealt a blow that will take years for the Air Force to overcome.

Biloxi is home to Keesler Air Force Base, the center for a large portion of the Air Force and DoD's Enlisted technical training schools such as Meteorological, Air Traffic Control, Airfield Operations, Command and Control, Finance, Medical, Communications, and much much more. It's home to the second largest medical facility in the Air Force, Keesler's Medical Center with a staff of approximately 2,000 that trains doctors, nurses and technicians in a variety of medical specialties. As of yesterday news reports say that the Keesler Medical Center was totally destroyed.

Although all military personnel were evacuated from the region, the base employs thousands of local civilians as instructors, clerks, chefs, janitors, etc. It will take some time to see how many of the civilian employees evacuated and survived the carnage. It will take much longer to determine whether or not they will have a job to return to.

Over the next few days, weeks, and months the Air Force will devote a majority of its homeland operations to recovery and rebuilding efforts in the Gulf Coast region. The support we will provide will be unprecedented and without prejudice. Our mission is to serve our nation, and our nation knows it can count on us.

The shockwaves of Katrina will echo throughout the Air Force and Department of Defense for some time. We will face shortages in air traffic controllers, weather personnel, communications experts, and many other highly technical fields due to a lack of facilities to train these personnel. Work-arounds will of course be found, facilities will be relocated, and training will eventually resume, but we will have to work fast to avoid future disruptions in operational support due to the lack of qualified personnel. After all, planes don't fly without ground support.

Yet through it all we will stand side by side with the millions of victims throughout the Gulf Coast region, helping them to survive this ordeal and eventually rebuild and recover. Of course things will never be the same for anyone, but we will all make it through this. After all, if there was ever a place to be during times like this that place would be the United States of America... the most giving and open-hearted nation on earth. We certainly know how to take care of our own, and the U.S. Air Force is damn good at doing just that for this nation.

posted by El Capitan at 7:39 AM 2 comments

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Time To Help Our Own

Wiki Comprehensive list of Relief Agencies
Red Cross

WalMart.Com
JustGive.Com
Katrina Relief Fund
Catholic Charities

National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster

FEMA Charity tips

Give.Org (Verifies Legitimate Charities)

I'm sure there are many more out there. Still waiting on Amazon.com to do what they did for the Tsunami relief effort and start accepting donations. Email them if you can, since they'll probably ignore mine.

posted by El Capitan at 11:18 AM 3 comments

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Good News from 'Nam, I mean Iraq.

I can see why so many moonbats think that Iraq is Vietnam.

I mean come on now, look at all of this bad news about Bush's quagmire for oil.

Read Chrenkoff's latest 'Good News from Iraq,' part 34. Nothing but doom and gloom baby... Doom And Gloom!

Also from Chrenkoff (gonna miss the Dude), a terrible, horrible poll from Iraq. My God, it's like Walter Cronkite's version of the Tet-Offensive all over again.

Some excerpts:
New Iraqi Poll shows 88% will vote for constitution
5% said they will not vote 6% had not decided yet
The poll included 3667 Iraqis, 53% men
42% support having Islam being the main source of legislation
84% support giving women full rights and benefits as men
78% of those polled expected security to improve after the constitution is adopted

DOOM AND GLOOM BABY!

On a side note, please go wish Arthur Chrenkoff well. If I'm correct, this latest 'Good News from Iraq' post will be his second to last, as his blog will be greatly limited in political content due to his new job. A lot of us are going to miss his work. The 'Good News' articles will have been handed off to some worthy folks, so no worries on that very important aspect of AC's blog.

posted by El Capitan at 9:47 AM 0 comments

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Monday, August 29, 2005
Life Lesson Learned

Never... I repeat, NEVER ever drink wine right after drinking a diet coke.

'Nough said.

posted by El Capitan at 12:07 PM 1 comments

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Can It Be?

So far so good for New Orleans. All the hype about it becoming the next Venice might have just been false.

If things continue going this well, The French Quarter might actually look clean from all the wind and rain.

posted by El Capitan at 6:48 AM 2 comments

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Sunday, August 28, 2005
"New Orleans Braces For Powerful Katrina"

If this were any other situation I'd really be making fun of the headline above. Seriously, if you know the city of New Orleans like I do, then 'Bracing for powerful Katrina' sounds like just another Friday night down on Bourbon Street. Sadly though, Katrina isn't a 500 pound Russian stripper, at least not this time.

We've all been waiting for 'The Storm' to hit New Orleans for some time now. She's dodged quite a few bullets over the last few decades, but it's always been known her days were numbered. If you spent just a few hours downtown and walked along the levees you could easily see why the city's days were numbered. It was only a matter of time.

I personally have had some of my greatest moments in youthful indiscretions down there. No, I wasn't as bad as you think. My indiscretions revolved around Jazz, Drinking, and Food. New Orleans was the perfect place for someone like me to hear some great music by some of America's best Jazz musicians, drink wine and 'hand grenades' until 2am, and afterwards stumble into the smallest 'hole in the wall' to eat some of the best food in the world. There are so many other things to do in that city, but those were some of mine. (Of course I did much more, but what happens in 'Nawlins stays in 'Nawlins, you dig?)

So now all I can do is sit back and watch the destruction of one of America's most famous and historic cities. The wonderful art districts, the ancient cemeteries, the antique brothels-turned-museums are all about to be submerged under 20+ feet of water, mud, and debris. It's a sad sad day indeed.

My heart goes out to all the people who had to decide what to leave behind as they fled north today. You truly are the heart of New Orleans, and upon your return you will soon experience the helping hand of the rest of the country. Your fellow countrymen are the most giving people in the world, and we will without a doubt do our best to take care of our own. After all, this is America.

And since this is the United States of America it is obvious that your city will be rebuilt. After all, where would we be without New Orleans; The former French riverfront town that we paid pennies for, the site of our greatest victory over the Brits during the War of 1812, the place where the term 'Hooker' was coined during the Civil War... it all happened in New Orleans. Hell yes, We Will Rebuild.

A little advice... when you do build it all back up, do it a bit higher. Raise the city's foundation about 15 to 20 feet. Other than that, just make it look and feel like the old place.

Trust me, if you build it we will come.

History & Drinking At It's Best

posted by El Capitan at 4:20 PM 1 comments

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Friday, August 26, 2005
'Putty-Tat' Putin and his Copy-Cat Bug Smasher

Last week the all powerful Vladimir Putin heroically strapped himself into the cockpit of Russia's most technologically advanced and feared Bomber, theTupolev T-160 'Blackjack' Bomber.

The Tupolov T-160 Bomber... Look Familiar?

At least that's what the international press told us.

In reality, 'Putty-Tat' Putin sat in Russia's biggest joke of a weapons system... a very poor replica of the United States' B-1B Intercontinental Bomber, aka 'The Bone.' In the 1980's, during the heyday of Soviet/Russian military might, the Kremlin's spies obtained a rough copy of the B-1 Bomber's designs. Never one to be out done, the Soviet Union poured billions of worthless rubles into a crash program to make their own version of the B-1, which they called the 'Blackjack.'

Copying our bomber designs was nothing new to the Soviets. They did it with our B-29 bomber after World War II. Ironically, the Soviets had the best rocket and missile program in the world which forced us to constantly play catch up, yet they couldn't put together an effective bomber force without copying our designs. (Although they did copy our Space Shuttle, sort of.)


Fast forward to 2005. The Russian military is still considered the red-headed step child of world military forces. They now have more money then they've ever had, and foreign arms sales are climbing higher and higher for them, yet they still fly their bastardized B-1/T-160 Tupolev.

This bird is so bad, they stopped flying it years ago because of safety and reliability concerns, yet now it's the 'premier' strategic bomber in the Russian Air Force.

Why?

While the international press shows Putin as this brave military leader flying supersonic in an advanced weapon system, all he did was risk his life in a stolen swept-wing wannabe that probably has more crashes under its belt then successful operational missions.

Just like last year's military exercises when the Russian ICBMs failed miserably while Putin was on the Sub that launched them, Putin could have easily ended up in a crater in some Central Asian wheat field while riding in this plane. The Russian military continues to be a joke. The best weapons systems Russia makes go to the highest bidders around the world while the Russian military continues to have their conscripts operate WWII and poorly made Cold War equipment.
All the while the mighty Putin is portrayed as a brave and heroic leader?

Bad to the Bone

posted by El Capitan at 7:48 AM 4 comments

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Thursday, August 25, 2005
So What Now?

Totalled new Honda Accord Ex.
3rd Degree Burns and shredded skin on my arms and hands.
Fractured left collarbone.
Bruised Ribs.
Screwed up left ankle and knee.
Extremely sore neck and lower back.
... and yes, a partridge in a pear tree.

All of that from a freak'n 30mph head on, and I still don't know what I should do next. Do I just suck it up? Everyone is telling me to get a lawyer, but I'm not that kind of guy. I have insurance, he had insurance, and everything will eventually get fixed. Yet I know I'm going to take a hit from his insurance because of the lost value of my car, and I've been 'profiled' by the military docs because I can't even hold a pencil in my left hand without my shoulder screaming at me in pain. Yes, that'll all heal too, but the loss of value really bugs me.

So what do I do?

posted by El Capitan at 4:15 PM 6 comments

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Gotta Love Modern Technology

I am sitting here at a fondue restaurant updating my blog.
Un'freaking believable. I'm using a PSP and highjacking the wireless connection.
If you like fondue, eat at the Melting Pot.

posted by El Capitan at 9:53 PM 2 comments

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Give Me A Freak'n Break

Remember the movie 'Heathers' when Christian Slater would say 'Nag, Nag, Nag' in his best Jack Nicholson voice. That's how I feel right now. I'll write more soon, but seriously... when you miss one day of work it takes 2 days just to catch up.

No, I'm not complaining at all. As you know, I did nothing at my last job and in the new one I'm working my arse off and loving every minute of it. Why, because doing nothing = boredom. I hate being bored. Unless of course being bored involves a beach, hammock, and bottomless drinks. Then I'm all over it. (That's Hammock, not a Banana Hammock)

In the mean time I'll take the chicken sh#t way out and just post useless yet interesting pictures.

The Navy tests its newest Air Superiority/Ground Attack Stealth Fighter.

posted by El Capitan at 7:43 AM 4 comments

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Catching Up At Work = Slow Blogging

posted by El Capitan at 7:46 AM 6 comments

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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Never A Dull Moment

I was looking forward to writing a post later this afternoon about my trip to Chicago yesterday, but something a little more interesting 'hit' me when I least expected it.

Meet The Official 'El Capitan' Mobile, or what it looked like when it was recently shiny and new.

Meet The 'El Capitan' Mobile after getting hit by a shiny new 2005 Mustang convertible.

Mustang Sally didn't slow her Mustang down

A little help from the Beaver Creek Po Po

Nothing a little Ductape and Robitussin can't fix

That's what happens when you go up against a rice-burner baby... Yeah! Off to the glue factory with you Seabiscuit!

Rest in peace my little Japanese-designed, Ohio-made surfboard on wheels. You were a great ride baby, and I always knew you had the best set of airbags underneath that sexy black leather dashboard. Sure you may have burned the hell out of my arms, but you knew I liked it rough and I guess you really wanted to go out with a bang.

Seriously though, my step-son and I were pretty lucky. This blue Mustang was the second of two cars that pulled out in front of us. We dodged the first, but this guy decided to play tag. No major injuries, just 'bag rash' and a broken car which coincidentally I rarely ever drive because it was a gift to my wife. Yes in fact this was the 'Generalisima's car.' After this little incident I might be demoted down to Airman Basic and back to scrubbing toilets with the toothbrush.

Can't wait to 'splain this one to her when she gets back into town next week. This definitely means I'll be back driving the real 'El Capitan' Mobile.

Of course this is my son's take on the entire situation.

posted by El Capitan at 11:25 PM 7 comments

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Ka Plow!

Just had to see if this thing worked. Yes, I miss Chappelle.

posted by El Capitan at 10:14 PM 1 comments

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Friday, August 19, 2005
Couldn't Resist

Dave at Garfield Ridge linked a fun little doo-hicky that allows you to see what states and countries you've been to.

And to think I had never left California until my first year of college. Cool, I'm a driving slut. I've gotten around quite a bit.

Too bad my international record isn't quite up to par. I haven't earned the title of 'International Man of Mystery' yet.

posted by El Capitan at 4:06 PM 7 comments

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Dirty F-16s for Dave

Dave, here you go. Found a couple more. I know you like your Vipers 'Dirty' and tied up.

posted by El Capitan at 8:14 AM 6 comments

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Hillary; "Fish Have Strange Bumps On Them"

And the jokes just keep on coming. You now people will never truly take her seriously when, with the mention of fish and bumps, people start laughing under their breath.

I personally came up with about 10 jokes myself just thinking about that line, Hillary, and Bill. Someone really needs to do a better make over job with her if she's serious about running for president. C'mon, can you imagine the laughter if she gave a speech on workplace sexual harassment?

posted by El Capitan at 7:08 AM 0 comments

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
My Journey To Central Asia

They say that your first deployment is always your best. If so, I couldn't have asked for anything better when I was sent to Kyrgyzstan a while back. I was cleaning out some files and came across the pictures from that deployment, so I figured now was a good time to look back. I didn't take all of these, but I was able to grab many of them off the shared drives where people would dump their pictures and music before they left for home. I didn't know to bring a digital camera when I deployed, which was one of the many lessons learned on that assignment.

After hours of flying over seemingly uninhabited land, the first thing we all noticed once we landed in Kyrgyzstan was the modern international airport. Of course 'modern' meant 1960s Soviet styling and functionality mixed with modern screens, signs, and places to eat. They really loved their tile-mosaics for some odd reason.




It's always the small things that really make a difference when you're oversees. I never imagined I would ever get to see a fire hydrant in the Former Soviet Union, yet there I was and there they were. Why I remember mundane things like that I will never understand. Funny thing was that the 'hydrant' was actually a water spigot, but I guess it worked.



There was that time when Robin Williams stopped by the base. Of course I was unlucky enough to have missed it, but the pictures and videos were great. Like I've said in previous posts, it's people like him that really make a difference to those deployed. Especially when all political correctness goes out the window and he unloads on everything and everyone.



This was a really cool event. Since the Dutch, Danish, Norweigans, Spanish, Italians, and a few other European nations were using the base, I caught a rare glimpse of the many different ceremonies each nation held. Of course each event was followed by great food and spirits, so you couldn't miss out. By far the Spanish had the most fun, whereas the Dutch had the best food.


Welcome to Paradise. The quarters weren't too shabby as long as you didn't share a tent with a shift worker or a recluse. Of course if you actually worked for a living like some of us out there you would rarely see your bed. I'm sure it was better that way. It left the mice to themselves.




The Europeans always had some of the local Kyrgyz talent come out to perform. They were OK, but nothing beat the U2 cover band that was flown in from Holland. Probably better then watching the real group, and much cheaper.




I can't forget the South Koreans. These guys woke me up every morning with their daily singing and stretches. They of course always took a few of us down to the local Korean Restaurant that they adopted, so those guys weren't all that bad. Most of the time they just kept to themselves and ran the surgical ward.






The airport had its own boneyard, full of old Soviet/Russian/Chinese aircraft. I was hoping to see the plane from 'Fire Fox', but alas I wasn't that lucky.

This was a going away announcement I had to make for one of our old crusty SMSgts that was heading back home. Schmitty, the poor bastard, he had to deploy within a month of returning home. At least he had a great party. My personal motto is a party is never a party without Oompa Loompas... the Original ones of course.

Here's one of the luckiest F-16s ever flown. The shmuck who was flying her went off the end of the runway and collapsed the nose gear. He proceeded to get out and walk around until the fire department rushed out and informed him that he was standing in the middle of a minefield. (yellow flags weren't there) There was a picture I couldn't get a copy of that had his 'City of Angels' CD sitting on top of a mine. Anyways, he lived to be smacked around by his bosses, and the plane was lifted back home to be fixed and flown again. Of course the Russians were the only folks with a plane big enough to bring it back.

Of course I couldn't resist. C'mon, deployments can get slow every now and then. Remember, Photoshop can be your friend.



I walked this roadway to and from work every day. The picture painted on the wall was an ad for the Tattoo shop located on the 3rd floor of the Air Traffic Control Tower. Yes, it was a reputable shop, and yes, I got my second Tat' from the place. Who could resist. You couldn't beat the prices backhome.



Had a passenger jet shoot off the runway and crash. Thankfully it was empty except for the pilots, who survived and were probably at the bar drinking vodka soon after the incident.






Funny thing was the fact that two Air Force fire trucks fell into a massive ditch while rushing out to the wreckage. Again, nobody was injured, but you couldn't help but laugh at the situation.




Yes, we all worked our asses off and never seemed to get a break, but that's why we were there. We knew that we were supporting the guys down south in Afghanistan, which made everything we did worthwhile. I'd do it again if given the chance.

Loved those sunrises and sunsets. Especially since the smog from the power plant and local village fires made the sky glow extra bright with color.

The local orphanages lucked out when we moved in. There was no better way to spend your off-duty time than by helping to build playgrounds, play with kids, and hold the babies that had nobody to care for them. Once again, chance of a lifetime.

Sad thing was that the Kyrgyz were so concerned with their own, they would not allow adoptions to foreign parents. I can understand any concern for what would happen, and yes the region was ripe with kidnappings to resupply the sex trade throughout Asia, but these kids were really missing out on some great prospective parents and a much better life in the West.

A parting shot for now. It wasn't until I deployed to Iraq that I realized how lucky I was to have been to Kyrgyzstan and served with the people I served with. I'll always be thankful for the experience, and proud knowing that I did my part to make Afghanistan free and to inspire the Kyrgyz people to make their own government stronger.

posted by El Capitan at 5:03 PM 4 comments

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The 'Great Raid' Review

Just came home from watching all 2.5 hours worth of The Great Raid. Once again Dave at Garfield Ridge took the words out of my mouth. If you want a more in-depth review, he's got a good one. I'll just throw my two cents in for now.

I was most proud of the portrayal of the Filipino resistance. Those guys really deserved the spotlight. Being an honorary Filipino brother from another mother (aka homeland) I felt the pride. Those guys always did fight like hell.

I hated every minute of the 'love crap' between the Manila-based blonde and the Major, but at the end of the movie when they mention her recognition by the President I realized that she was in fact a real person who did great things. I guess I can live with the love crap as long as it was intended to giver her some much needed props. Don't get me wrong, lovey stuff in movies is great... just not when it's in an almost 3 hour long war movie.

If I were a Ranger I'd be smoking a cigarette because watching the movie would have been similar to having sex. As a Zoomie, it was OK... just a little too long, but definitely a well-rounded film. You can tell they used the 3 years of shelf time to cut it just right. Yes in fact the movie is 3 years old. The studio shelved it to wait for the right time. Of course that meant waiting for a moment when no Cruise, Schwarzenneger, or Hanks movies were out.

And yes, the focus on the young and brave Captain wasn't all that bad. Guy didn't know how to keep his head down most of the time, but his role did prove that Captains are good for more than just making coffee.

On my 'Movies are like Liquor' ratings system I give 'The Great Raid' two servings of warm Cognac, with a chaser of Jack Daniels on ice to finish things off with a good kick in the ass that gives you that patriotic vibe you don't get too often.

posted by El Capitan at 1:47 AM 0 comments

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Two Biggest Problems For Troops In Iraq...

"My son's friend Todd Jones just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq. At a celebratory gathering at his parents' home, we chatted a while, and I asked him what he thought were the biggest problems facing the military. Without hesitating, he shot back: "The terrorists and the media.""

An excerpt from Arthur Chrenkoff's latest (and one of his last) 'Good News From Iraq' posts. Go read it if you want some positive news for once.

Damn I'm going to miss these things.

posted by El Capitan at 7:28 AM 2 comments

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More Red On Red... Kick Ass

Via Blackfive and The Fourth Rail, I love this sort of news.

"We have had enough of his nonsense," said Sheik Ahmad Khanjar, leader of the Albu Ali clan, referring to Zarqawi. "We don't accept that a non-Iraqi should try to enforce his control over Iraqis, regardless of their sect -- whether Sunnis, Shiites, Arabs or Kurds.''

Washington Post
Iraqi Sunnis Battle To Defend Shiites
BAGHDAD, Aug. 14 -- Rising up against insurgent leader Abu Musab Zarqawi, Iraqi Sunni Muslims in Ramadi fought with grenade launchers and automatic weapons Saturday to defend their Shiite neighbors against a bid to drive them from the western city, Sunni leaders and Shiite residents said. Dozens of Sunni members of the Dulaimi tribe established cordons around Shiite homes, and Sunni men battled followers of Zarqawi, a Jordanian, for an hour Saturday morning. The clashes killed five of Zarqawi's guerrillas and two tribal fighters, residents and hospital workers said. Zarqawi loyalists pulled out of two contested neighborhoods in pickup trucks stripped of license plates, witnesses said.

Time for my two cents. Kick Ass! The more Red on Red, the less power Zarqawi has in Iraq. Less power equals less support. Less support equals less action against innocent civilians and U.S. and Iraqi troops. Less action equals less foreign troops required to stabilize Iraq. You get the point... we need to keep this stuff going.

I can't think of a better situation then U.S. troops finding Zarqawi tied to the hood of a taxi cab sitting outside of a base.

posted by El Capitan at 12:20 AM 1 comments

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Monday, August 15, 2005
Be Careful What You Wish For

Today is my first day in a new office, working with an entirely different team on a program completely opposite of what I've been doing over the last three years. I've been asking for this change for some time now and I finally got it.

I was supposed to move to Los Angeles for this job, but my orders were cancelled and I was told to sit and wait. Of course if you're in the military, 'Hurry Up and Wait' is one of those mottos that are never advertised yet utilized daily. Looks like the wait is over.

Light blogging today, but I should be back to 100% soon. My 1 year blogiversary sort of passed on 6 August, but I might just use 19 August as my day because that's when I left to Iraq last year. That deployment was the purpose of this blog. When I came back home it became my way of staying busy in an extremely boring and slow job. Now that the job is changing, we'll see how this thing changes with it.

Change is good, but I am being cautious. After all, the only true highlights over the past three years of work were my two deployments to Iraq and Kyrgyzstan. I was never meant to sit in an office, and I'm headed to a much bigger one. Hopefully this new place will be different.

I really hope it's different.

posted by El Capitan at 7:09 AM 5 comments

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Friday, August 12, 2005
Might As Well Give Them A Hand...

In the spirit of diplomacy and peace, I'm going to help spread the message expressed in the latest terrorist video. Since Al-Jazeera has such a limited audience, we need to help the terrorists out in order for their message of peace and love to go around the world. In doing so I'm hoping to bring about more peace, harmony, and a better understanding of the unfair plight the terrorists face every day.

Remember, all they want is our friendship.

...Begin Transcript...

Attention Infidels! Prepare yourselves for the coming apocalypse. You and your infidel nations will be destroyed because we are better then you, smarter then you, and by Allah, people like us. No, we are not killing innocent men, women and children because we have small genitalia, so stop saying so. Our tiny penises have nothing to do with massacring civilians. To believe so is a crime against Allah. Instead, we blow up the innocent because it makes the nightly news in the evil United States and Europe.

Since we were denied entry visas into the U.S. in order to compete on American Idol we have no other way to express our superior singing abilities. Personally, my rendition of 'I Will Survive' was voted best in our Jihad training camp talent show, and I know it beats the hell out of that great Satan Clay Aiken.

Also, the cost of making the news in the West is only a few dollars worth of C-4, a drugged up martyr, and the lives of innocent people standing in line to buy bread, so what else do you expect? Your media is so easy to control, bless Allah, it is easy to hide the truth coming out of Iraq and Afghanistan. News such as the improving economies, increases in health, education, drinking water and food, and the fact that more jobs and energy are being produced then before the evil crusader wars started shall never be spread to the rest of the world.

Additionally, we are offended by your stereotype of brave Jihadists. Your infidel movie 'Team America' wrongly portrayed us as randomly killing people while shouting 'Dirka Dirka Dirka Mohammad Jihad!' This is an abomination. We do no such things! Instead, we randomly kill innocent people while shouting 'Jihad Mohammad Dirka Dirka Dirka!' Any infidel who confuses this sacred call to heaven shall die a horrible death. May ten thousand male camels confuse you as a virgin in heat, you infidel!

Finally, you must cower in fear. Yes we may have small penises, but we know how to use them. We are real men, and we are destined to rule the world and kill all infidels. It is written. If you surrender to us now we will spare you a horrible death. Instead we will simply kill you quickly and painlessly only after you vote for me on American Idol.

We are Terrorists! You are mere mortals! Prepare to die! 'Jihad Mohammad Dirka Dirka Dirka!'

(Off camera) "And cut. That was great Omar! You really told them. I'll get this copied and sent to Al Jazeera right away. That Paula Abdul and the rest of the infidels will be pleading for mercy in no time."

Omar: "You think it was good? I don't know... I don't think these gloves matched my headscarf, and my gun didn't seem intimidating enough. Maybe I should have yelled more and used a deeper voice, but these damn cold sores on my mouth make my lisp even more pronounced."

Director: "No no no, not at all. You were tough! You were manly! You were amazing! The only thing I ask for you to change next time is please wear pants. I had to keep the camera pointed high so your pink thong didn't show. It didn't' match your other clothing."

Omar: "I'm sorry. I was just so happy that the length of my 'Little Omar' has reached nearly an inch. Those pills are really working. I was hoping to score some for free by advertising my success, blessed be. Those infidels will scream for mercy when they see little Omar waving in the wind as I charge their devil-tanks with my rifle!"

.... End of Transcript....

posted by El Capitan at 5:01 PM 5 comments

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Know When To Say When...

If you're a grieving parent of a soldier who was killed in war, what do you think would be the best way to celebrate the life your child and honor his memory and sacrifice?

I've tried desperately to stay clear of the Cindy Sheehan situation for many reasons, but after watching a few minutes of several different news shows last night I couldn't stop the rage. This woman is making a mockery of her son and his sacrifice, and making herself out to be a complete idiot.

Cindy Sheehan has every right to protest the war and President Bush's policies. She has every right to camp outside of Bush's ranch and state her opinion. I'm terribly sorry for her loss, and will never be able to understand such pain because I'm not in her shoes, but for God's sake woman... look what you've become!

Your blatant and well documented lies about your meeting with President Bush after your son's passing are a joke. You are being manipulated by extreme far left organizations who don't give a rat's ass about your pain or your son's life. When CBS, CNN, ABC, and NBC all fail to mention that you've already met with the President, or that it was a positive and meaningful experience (as you originally stated), your lies and the lies of those surrounding you take the attention off your son's life and turn you into a moonbat kook.

You are being used! You are a tool for an agenda completely opposite of what you're trying to accomplish. As a good friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday, you are wasting your energy and your sanity.

Once again I ask the question to everyone out there, what would any of us do in Cindy Sheehan's situation to celebrate the life of a child and honor their memory and sacrifice? Certainly aligning ourselves with extreme hate groups and making a mockery of our own integrity wouldn't be at the top of our list.

Instead, the Sheehan family has a better way of doing this:

"Our family has been so distressed by the recent activities of Cindy we are breaking our silence and we have collectively written a statement for release. Feel free to distribute it as you wish."

Sheehan Family Statement:
"The Sheehan Family lost our beloved Casey in the Iraq War and we have been silently, respectfully grieving. We do not agree with the political motivations and publicity tactics of Cindy Sheehan. She now appears to be promoting her own personal agenda and notoriety at the the expense of her son's good name and reputation. The rest of the Sheehan Family supports the troops, our country, and our President, silently, with prayer and respect. Sincerely, Casey Sheehan's grandparents, aunts, uncles and numerous cousins. "

Cindy Sheehan still has the opportunity to redeem herself and her cause, but I doubt she'll try because of the pressure from those she's surrounded herself with. Thankfully her family will never lose sight of what's most important... Casey's Memory.

posted by El Capitan at 8:08 AM 4 comments

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Sweet Hoopty Rendition

The blogger over at Geek Empire was inspired by my previous comments about the Space Shuttle being a 'Hoopty', so he took matters into his own hands.

Not too shabby.

posted by El Capitan at 7:56 AM 1 comments

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Thursday, August 11, 2005
I'm Having One Of Those Days

posted by El Capitan at 5:04 PM 1 comments

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This Just Says It All

posted by El Capitan at 4:32 PM 0 comments

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
A Sad Sad Day Indeed

posted by El Capitan at 5:53 PM 3 comments

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It Would Be A Crime....

...to miss Michael Yon's latest dispatch from Mosul. This is one of his best and most telling posts yet about life with Duece Four.

Go read "Jungle Law" or I'll kick your ass. It's that good.

posted by El Capitan at 7:39 AM 1 comments

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Future States of The USA

For years now I've watched the close elections in Quebec, where the French-speaking Canadians have nearly succeeded in breaking Quebec away from the Canadian Government. Now it looks as though Western Canada wants to secede as well.

Two words.... Future States.

Canada has been on the verge of falling apart for decades now, and the situation seems to be getting worse thanks to the continued weakening of the Canadian Government. There doesn't seem to be any hope in sight, which is why the United States should start throwing Western Canada a few bones to help them make the decision.

Can you imagine the headlines if some Canadian provinces voted to secede and join the United States? Internationally there would be calls for 'peacekeepers' to stop any secession. The French would of course start pushing Quebec to follow suite. In the U.S. the only detractors would be on the left. They have always viewed Canada as a beacon of hope for their socialist utopia, and any collapse of the Canadian Government would be reminiscent of the fall of the Soviet Union... still the saddest event in recent history for the left leaning folks. The rest of us would of course be dancing in the streets and welcoming our fellow Americans to our happy yet dysfunctional family.

I've traveled extensively throughout Western Canada, and I'm confident we could help sway them to join the United States. Simply supply each resident with 20yrs worth of free beer and hunting rifles and the region is as good as ours. Even better, start an NHL expansion team up in the Yukon Territory if you really want to seal the deal.

Call and write your representatives in government to get the ball rolling. If we work together we can help to Canadians help themselves, and our meager little nation of 50 colonies might just double in size.

UPDATE: Of course this post wasn't intended to piss off any of my Canuk buddies up north. Trust me, we're not that conceited and self-centered down here in the states. No really, we aren't. You have to admit thought that you guys would benefit greatly from the idea.

posted by El Capitan at 5:14 PM 4 comments

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My God Man, Show Some Mercy!

Drudge must have it out for Britney Spears. C'mon, why else would he publish this picture of her posing as a harpooned whale? She's pregnant... let her be. You shouldn't discriminate against Britney and other large' Opaque-Americans.'

Maybe she's just depressed because her request to name her new reality show 'The Beverly Hillbillies' was denied.

Show some mercy Drudge.

posted by El Capitan at 12:59 PM 2 comments

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The Space Shuttle is a Hoopty

posted by El Capitan at 7:20 AM 5 comments

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