Dude, where's the beach?

Sunday, October 30, 2005
She Ain't No Gold Digger

Went out on Saturday and splurged on a Motorola RAZR V3 Bluetooth phone. This phone far surpasses anything I've had in the past, and gets me even closer to earning my Xzibit-Certified 'Pimped' Diploma from the Player University.

Of course I quickly stepped in it big time when I set up my 'Gold Digger' ring tone to play whenever my wife called.

Next up, Spinners with Captains Bars.

posted by El Capitan at 4:52 PM 4 comments

Friday, October 28, 2005
Revealed! Dave at Garfield Ridge

My crack team of investigators has finally revealed the true identity of Dave at Garfield Ridge. He was captured on video in a park just outside of the Pentagon. In this video, Dave is the thug wearing a blue suit, walking with a dubious group of suspected gang members.

posted by El Capitan at 12:01 PM 4 comments

Dude! Dude? Dude. Dude. Duuuuuude.

I was hitting up Google and Yahoo to see how easily 'Dude , Where's The Beach' came up using 'Dude' as the search word. Of course I came across some interesting things using Dude, but some very funny Non-Dude things popped up as well.

Dude Items:
A linguistic study of the word 'Dude'
A history of the word 'Dude', as well as some interesting facts
The Ultimate Dude, A Big Lebowski Soundboard

Non-Dude Items:
Fun at the airport. Someone had fun paging some interesting names
A 'Big Ad' from Carlton Draught Beer, an Aussie Brand. This beats the hell out of Spuds McKenzie or the Bud Bowl ads. (H/T Blackfive)
And yes, I'm sure most of you have seen this guy, but at 2am who can resist The Farting Preacher episode 4. The guy who put these together deserves an Emmy.
A Bacardi commercial showing the worst dancers ever. You know, the folks you find at clubs or parties that have absolutely no sense of rythym or coordination. (H/T Ace)
Finally, Barney got bored with his PBS gig, so he decided to start a solo rap career. Very funny, but the banners are NSFW.

posted by El Capitan at 11:16 AM 1 comments

Thursday, October 27, 2005
A Strong Woman

I was out of town when I read that Rosa Parks had passed away, so I waited until I came home to say anything. As a student of history I always made an effort to study the influential women who changed the world. It's so easy to find information on influential men, but nearly every man of historical significance wouldn't have amounted to a hill of beans had it not been for a strong or influential woman of that time. Rosa Parks was one of those women.

Through a simple act of defiance she became one of a few catalysts that brought down a brutal and inhumane system. She didn’t have stars on her shoulders, ride a hose, carry a gun, or rule an Empire, yet she changed and improved the most powerful nation in history.

I'm saddened that Rosa Parks has passed, but I'm grateful that our nation will never forget her impact.

posted by El Capitan at 2:05 PM 1 comments

Back from Baltimore

Trying to catch up on work. Until then, posting will be light.

As for this picture, a friend of mine sent it to me. This is a great idea.

posted by El Capitan at 11:41 AM 3 comments

Monday, October 24, 2005
Even Iraq Has Some Bad Mamajamas

Iraqi Women Take Up Arms
By Sharon Behn, The Washington Times

BAGHDAD -- While most Iraqi women live in fear of terrorists and criminals, one small band of women has taken up arms and is prepared to fight back. Employed by a private security company, the women ride in the front passenger seat posing as ordinary housewives when the company's drivers transport customers around the city in nondescript vehicles. But their firearms are always close at hand, and they are trained to respond with force if they come under attack.

My favorite part is about the woman who calls herself Xena. Her favorite action movie star is Jean-Claude Van Damme. She kicks ass.

(Full Story)

posted by El Capitan at 11:02 AM 4 comments

Uber-Hell

Irony in its Finest Hour

(Fox) “CAIRO, Egypt — Al Qaeda's deputy leader called on Muslims to put aside criticism of Pakistan's president and give aid to the victims of the massive earthquake that devastated Kashmir this month, according to a videotape broadcast Sunday.”

Let’s see now… Al Qaeda can put their maniacal and wretchedly evil politics aside to help the victims of a natural disaster, yet Louis Farrakhan his followers have called on all of Katrina’s ‘victims of color’ to sue the government because it’s all George Bush’s fault.

One of these organizations will be going to hell, and one will be going to ‘Uber-Hell’.

Care to take bets on who goes where?

posted by El Capitan at 10:55 AM 0 comments

The United Nations Turns 60... Woopty Doo!

Go celebrate the 60th birthday of the most corrupt organization on the planet... the United Nations.

I'll be sure to light a candle for them.

In other news, a dead man got a parking ticket, and reserachers find anti-freeze in fleas.

Trust me, it's a much better story then the UN's 60th Anniversary.

posted by El Capitan at 10:28 AM 0 comments

'Iraq war foes ready for 2,000th military death'

According to the Washington Post, Cindy Sheehan plans to become a lawn ornament at the White House to celebrate the approaching 2000th military death.

Michelle Malkin and Little Green Footballs is keeping tabs on the folks who will be throwing parties for the occasion.

One thing they all forgot to mention is to be prepared for the onslaught Anti-U.S. propaganda and rhetoric from America's most influencial enemies and detractors:

CNN
CNN International
NBC
MSNBC
BBC
ABC
CBS
PBS

Am I forgetting anyone?

posted by El Capitan at 7:37 AM 1 comments

Friday, October 21, 2005
There Goes Dave's Sex Life

Dave at Garfield Ridge recently joined the Blackberry club. Sadly, he's going to have to take it easy on the little fella or else he'll go blind and his thumbs may freeze up.

Apparently Blackberrys are causing some serious injuries to folks who use them too frequently.

I use mine quite a bit, but not enough to cause permanent damage. Yet I can't imagine a life without using my thumbs. Guess I need to cut back.

Why is it that everything fun makes you go blind if you do it too often?

posted by El Capitan at 4:35 PM 0 comments

Thursday, October 20, 2005
Remember, The Rich Don't Pay Taxes

In 2003 (the latest year available)

The top 1 percent paid 34.27 % of federal income tax revenues.
The top 10 percent paid 65.84 %
The top 50 percent paid 96.54 %
The bottom 50 percent paid 3.46 %
(H/T Big Brother, aka The IRS)

posted by El Capitan at 3:13 PM 1 comments

I.Love.South Park.

Even when they offend me I still laugh my ass off. It's that good.

They spoofed the Katrina media snafu. You've gotta watch it. (H/T Ace) I didn't see the episode yet, but I hope they have Farakhan and his 'Mother Ship' in it.

Beaverton, Population 8,000, may have suffered 'hundreds of millions' of deaths

posted by El Capitan at 2:07 PM 1 comments

Baltimore Bound

East bound and down, loading up and trucking. We're gonna do what they say can't be done. We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there. I'm East bound, just watch ol' Bandit run.

Yes, I need to go get Smokey and The Bandit on DVD. I miss that movie.

Anyways, I'll be out in Baltimore next week. Never really been there for more than an hour. Any suggestions on things to do?

I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only

posted by El Capitan at 12:22 PM 7 comments

The Air Force Finally Has It Right

This morning I was pulled into yet another sexual harassment training session. I've been in the Air Force for over six years now, and every year I've been required to sit in a room and be tortured with a few hundred seriously boring slides on why sexual harassment and sexual assault is bad. Trust me, the lessons were always important, but I used to help teach this stuff back in school and the Air Force just didn't have a good way of doing it. Most folks typically dozed off or brought work with them. This morning's session was different. The Air Force finally has it right.

This morning I watched possibly the most outstanding, informative, and intelligent video on what sexual assault is, what it does to the victims, and how the Air Force is now dealing with victims and predators. The Air Force now focuses 90% of its energy on helping the victims first, and gives sole discretion to the victim whether or not to 'officially' report the assault or remain anonymous and simply receive proper treatment and help. In other words, each victim will get the maximum amount of care and treatment, and they will have the option of pursuing legal actions against their attacker.

From an Air Force online news article discussing this new policy, “The restricted reporting concept is a big change for us in the Air Force. We’ve learned that, in some cases, the survivor feels like they’re being victimized twice because they are not prepared for the exposure and attention they receive as part of prosecuting an investigation.”

Each Air Force Base will now employ a Sexual Assault Reporting Coordinator (SARC) who will be there to assist victims, and to train others to be on call for victims. The SARC will lead a special team to assist each victim with any medical, psychological, or other needs they may have. The SARC will also shield each victim's identity. The victim will have sole discretion as to whether or not they should report the criminal act. If they choose to report the crime, the SARC will protect the victim and assist them in the legal process.

It is easy to be critical of the Air Force. After all, it's a giant bureaucracy, and bureaucracies make big mistakes on a daily basis. Yet every now and then the Air Force gets things right, and this is one of those occasions. The Air Force finally acknowledged a long-standing problem within the ranks, developed an internal and external team to address the issue, and created this program based on the recommendations they received. The program will most likely be duplicated throughout the Department of Defense.

So today's training wasn't what I thought it would be. It was extremely educational, and has made me a better leader and Airman. Hopefully this new tactic will help eradicate this sad and frequent disease that plagues our military and our society.

It's an outstanding first step and should be applauded.
(August 05 Link to official press release on new policy and video)

posted by El Capitan at 11:37 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, October 19, 2005
South Florida To Be Blown By Wilma

She came on so quickly. I never would have guessed she was capable of such a thing.

posted by El Capitan at 4:17 PM 3 comments

This Explains Everything

The Crocodile Hunter, still spooning with his mistress 'Matilda', finally wakes up after yet another night of binge drinking and 'Crocs Gone Wild' action.

Australian study finds alcohol linked to croc attacks
"Almost one in three people bitten by deadly saltwater crocodiles in Australia had been drinking alcohol before the animal attacked, new research has found."

This study explains why Steve Irwin plays with Crocs so often. It also explains the abundance of Jack Daniels vending machines I noticed while walking around his zoo in Brisbane last year. Yes, it made for an exciting day at the Australia Zoo, but I didn't realize I was being marinated for the Crocs.

I don't remember much that day, but I do recall having to fight my way out of the park. I was too drunk to understand why all of the reptiles were coming after me. I remember it was a life and death struggle, but thankfully I made it out alive.

Crickey This You Mutha F*****!

posted by El Capitan at 3:25 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
For You Colby Buzzell Fans

NPR did a story on Colby, his blog, and his new book, My War: Killing Time in Iraq . Click here to listen. (H/T Doc in the Box)

posted by El Capitan at 10:57 PM 1 comments

A Blog Bound for the List O' Links

No, this is not a joke. It's a blog I found thanks to Doc in the Box. This guy, who calls himself Joe the Fat, is pretty funny and has quite the following throughout the Air Force. I guess us Officer Pukes are the last to know. Be advised that he is a little harsh, but the humor is there.

To the single guys, he even has a link to some of the sweeeeetest reasons why I joined the Air Force 6 years ago. Oh, and he's got some pictures for the ladies to, but I didn't go there.

So check it out, and don't blame me. Blame 'Joe the Fat'.

posted by El Capitan at 10:46 PM 2 comments

The Air Force's 'More With Less' Strategy Is Crippling America's Future Ability to Maintain Air Superiority

In the 17 October 2005 edition of Defense News, Vago Muradian and Gopal Ratnam wrote an article about the inevitable future cuts to the U.S. Armed Forces. These cuts are being forecasted by many analysts due to the apparent signals on budget tightening being sent down from the White House. The question is what can the U.S. Air Force afford to cut?

The article references an October 5th ‘Red Team’ overhead review of current and future requirements and how to shape our armed forces to meet those requirements while simultaneously cutting the DoD ‘fat.’ Here is what the team recommended:

*Cut tactical air forces by 30 percent.
*Cancel the Navy’s DDX future destroyer.
*Delay the Army’s Future Combat Systems.
*Develop conventional theater ballistic missiles to rapidly strike “high-value targets.”
*Build faster sealift ships and nuclear submarines.
*Develop a new long-range bomber.

Five out of the six recommendations are spot-on. The only item on this list that needs to be seriously questioned is the recommendation to cut tactical air forces (TACAIR) by 30%.

From a budgetary standpoint the notion of cutting TACAIR makes perfect sense. Decades ago the United States Air Force chose to drastically cut the number of aircraft it had in favor of developing fewer yet more technologically advanced weapons systems. In other words, the Pentagon wanted to gain more capability with less aircraft. The B-2, F-22, and the up-and-coming F-35 Joint Strike Fighter are results of this strategy. After spending hundreds of billions of dollars on these systems, the Air Force’s concept of ‘more with less’ has come to fruition, but the strategy that was originally intended to defeat the former Soviet Union has in fact crippled the service.

The United States Air Force has rapidly become a Lamborghini on a mountain trail. It without question has fastest and most powerful toys for the open road, but our competition, or future enemies, turned off that road long ago. In other words, while the Air Force has transformed into the best ‘more with less’ air power in the world, its current and future enemies are developing a ‘more with more’ strategy to balance out our technological superiority.

China is currently providing a great example of the ‘more with more’ strategy. According to the 2004 Annual Report On The Military Power of the People’s Republic of China, the United States has determined that China, “continues its force-wide modernization program to improve overall combat capabilities in the next decade.”

Beijing continues to:

A) acquire advanced aircraft and weapons
B) upgrade its air-to-air capabilities
C) increase the quality and quantity of pilot training

Jane’s Defence Weekly has a more in-depth assessment of the various Chinese Air Force’s modernization programs, which is ominous for the USAF and it’s strategy of cutting the number of aircraft in its inventory.

From Jane’s 13 June 2005 Sentinel Security Assessment, China and Northeast Asia,
“Largely due to the import and co-production of large numbers of Russian Sukhoi fighters and their associated modern weapons, the PLAAF (Air Force) is contributing to Taiwanese military official estimates that there will be a "crossover" in the Taiwan Strait military balance after 2005. During the second half of this decade the PLAAF will also pose a greater challenge to Asian-based US air forces and to those of China's neighbors.”

Jane’s assessment of China’s ‘strength through numbers’ strategy compared to the current USAF transformation clearly illustrates the basic failure of the ‘more with less’ strategy.

The current numbers of military aircraft are provided below, but at face value they are misleading. The numbers provided include test aircraft and inoperable/depot birds which are not combat capable. From experience, it’s not a stretch to claim that at any given period at least 15 to 20% of U.S. military aircraft are undergoing some type of depot work or are down for maintenance issues. Also, the numbers don’t reflect geographic accessibility. Any possible combat scenario between China and the U.S. would take place near China, whereas the U.S. Air Forces listed below are spread throughout the world. Only a small number of USAF assets are located near China. Also, naval assets are not included, but the ability for naval air assets to be present is not always guaranteed, and would frankly be the first targets of opportunity if China ever became the aggressor.

Last but not least, the numbers do not reflect future planned reductions or allocations of aircraft. For example, the United States Air Forces will be phasing out the older F-15s as new F-22s roll off the assembly line, but for every F-22 built the USAF will retire 2 or 3 F-15s. The same goes for the upcoming F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, which will be replacing the aging, yet combat proven, F-16.

Number crunch: (Jane’s World Air Forces 2005)
Total Number of U.S. Multi-role Fighters: 1584
Total Number of U.S. Air-Superiority Fighters: 538
Total Number of U.S. Fighter-Bomber/Attack: 408
Total Number of U.S. Bombers: 176

Total Number of Chinese Multi-role Fighters: 1132
Total Number of Chinese Interceptors: 279
Total Number of Chinese Bomber/Attack: 300
Total Number of Chinese Bombers: 120

China has taken well over a decade to ramp up its fighter development and manufacturing capabilities. In the FY04 report to Congress, the Pentagon projected that over the next 10 years China’s Air Force will increase significantly in numbers and capability. If you compare it to the U.S. Air Force’s current strategy of replacing large quantities of combat aircraft with fewer numbers of highly advanced fighters and bombers, it’s difficult to tell which Air Force would prevail in a combat situation. Technologically the USAF will have the Chinese beat hands down, but numerically the U.S. will be significantly outnumbered. Even if the advanced technology and superior pilot training gives the United States a 5 to 1 kill ratio against China in a future combat situation, the larger number of Chinese aircraft will reduce the significance of such a one-sided ratio.

It is impossible to dismiss the importance of having a large number of inexpensively built but effective aircraft, yet the United States Air Force has determined that significant quantity is inferior to quality. The strategy does have merit based on history, but never has a nation purposely minimized the size of its armed forces to counter growing threats and emerging enemies. Underdogs have never chosen to become the underdog.

The strategy also has merit on the budgetary front. The recommendations in the October 2005 ‘Red Team’ report to cut the Air Forces by 30% is based on the fact that by reducing the number of older aircraft while introducing fewer yet newer systems, money is saved and there is no ‘apparent’ loss to the capabilities of the Air Force. It’s the epitome of the ‘more with less’ strategy.

It’s my opinion that ‘more with less’ is both wrong and dangerous. The USAF can purchase nearly six new Block 60 F-16s for the cost of just one new F-35 Joint Strike Fighters. The Block 60 is has every advancement the F-35 will have except for stealth capability, but the lack of stealth can be overcome through other means in major air combat scenarios. In reality, having stealth capability limits the amount of weaponry and fuel the F-35 can carry into combat. In the end, if six Block 60 F-16s were pitted against one F-35 it is apparent who the winner, or winners, would be. That F-35 would put up a good fight, but would ultimately lose.

The Air Force should still continue to develop and purchase the F-35, but only to replace the F-117 which is a Model T compared to today’s battlefield requirements. The F-35 will be a great fighter, but only in limited numbers. If the U.S. could saturate the battlefield with new F-16s for multi-role missions while taking out anti-air assets using stealth aircraft, the battle is won.

We will never require parity in numbers with China or other military forces, but we will at least need to narrow the gap with more inexpensive and combat proven multi-role fighters such as the Block 60 F-16s. In the coming decade the ‘more with less’ strategy will do just the opposite of this, placing us well behind our adversaries.

Wake-up calls are rarely ever gentle nudges. September 11th was certainly the wake-up call the United States needed to start fighting a war terrorist organizations had declared on us long ago. What sort of wake-up call will it take to make the Pentagon wake up and understand that it is rapidly falling behind the curve in terms of air power projection and deterrence capability? At some point the vastly expensive and time-consuming technologies we’re developing for the next generation of fighters and bombers will become irrelevant if we are faced with overwhelming superiority in numbers. The Air Force will inevitably be forced to find a balance between high-technology and high numbers of aircraft. One would assume that finding this balance now would be much better than finding it in the middle of a massive air war with another country.

posted by El Capitan at 12:36 PM 0 comments

Mmmmmm'kay

First read this:

MADONNA WARNS: ALL WILL GO TO HELL IF DON'T TURN FROM WICKED BEHAVIOR

(H/T Drudge)
The former Material Girl now believes "the beast is the modern world that we live in!" "The material world. The physical world. The world of illusion, that we think is real. We live for it, we're enslaved by it. And it will ultimately be our undoing," Madonna explains in her new documentary film, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU A SECRET. In the movie, which will premiere at the Ziegfeld Theater in New York City on Tuesday, Madonna warns how people "are going to go to hell, if they don't turn from their wicked behavior." "I refer to an entity called 'The Beast'. I feel I am describing the world that we live in right now. To me 'The Beast' is the modern world that we live in."

Now Remember This?

Do you remember how many little girls (and a few flamboyant boys) ran around imitating this woman? How many little skulls of mush were molded by her acts on stage? And now we've got to listen to her lecture us on morality and materialism.

Either I'm witnessing the conversion of the century (i.e. repentance), or she's just really getting old and losing her mind.

My money is on Alzheimer’s combined with the after affects of crack and/or Sean Penn.

posted by El Capitan at 7:28 AM 3 comments

Monday, October 17, 2005
Gotta Love Those Small Town Folks

Words just can't describe. Start your Monday off right and read this article. (Click on it to enlarge)

(H/T That Command Post Chick with the Cool Car)

posted by El Capitan at 9:06 AM 4 comments

The Toledo Riots

Over the weekend the city of Toledo Ohio was overcome by a race riot. It was supposed to be a positive gathering of people rightfully protesting a Neo Nazi rally, but instead it turned into a violent free for all. Michelle Malkin has the best info so far on this really sad situation north of here.

I especially agree with one quote on her site. "Pat yourselves on the back, Toledo rioters/looters/gangsters. You probably stoked more racism than the idiotic white supremacists could have ever dreamed of spreading--and you made their inconsequential demonstration of hatred a smashing success. Literally."

I'm 100% supportive of telling morons like the hate-filled Neo Nazis where they belong in our society (as well as where they can shove their eagle-headed flag poles), but the thugs up in Toledo squandered the opportunity, hurting the themselves and the good guys in the process.

On a side note, I've got to ask... where were the Blues Brothers when we needed them this weekend? I'm sure they hate Ohio Nazis as much as they hate Illinois Nazis.

posted by El Capitan at 8:25 AM 2 comments

Friday, October 14, 2005
Thump, Thump, Thump (Hitting Head On Desk)

(H/T Dave at Garfield Ridge)

When CBS asks the question 'Is God Mad At Us?', and then puts these three 'experts' on to answer such a question, you can pack your bags because THE END IS NEAR. How else can you explain this mass explosion of crapola called news? I think the first sign was Dan Rather's exodus. The second was MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen. ( I know Dave agrees)

I'm off to go stand on the corner of Times Square in a robe with a sign to warn everyone of our impending doom.

posted by El Capitan at 2:16 PM 4 comments

Talk About A Staged Event

Bush's 'staged' interview with troops this week has been the number one story today. NBC has especially been hard on Bush for setting the interview up.

Funny thing is, NBC staged this 'extreme' flood footage last night. (Click on picture for video) Talk about caught with your pants down. Live TV.... It's pretty damn funny. The best part is she ignores the guys walking past and goes on to describe how difficult it is to control a canoe or boat in the obviously furious river.

And don't forget this staged stunt back in 1993 on Dateline NBC.

I guess Bush was upstaged.

(H/T Mrs. Malkin)

posted by El Capitan at 1:40 PM 0 comments

Am I The Only One...?

Am I the only 80's geek who grew up wanting to be Magnum PI? The question came up last week while talking to some friends when I was out in Los Angeles. Most Dudes wanted to be Superman, Joe Montana, or some baseball player... but none mentioned Magnum.

I don't get it. He was the perfect hero/role model for the Pac Man generation.
1) He was a Vietnam veteran
2) He was a bachelor living in a mansion in Hawaii
3) He always had the girl
4) He drove around the island in a Ferrari
5) He always got the bad guy
6) His best friends owned a bar and a helicopter
7) Hawaiian shirts were worn daily

I challenge any graduate students out there studying pop culture to write a comparison of heros and role models from the 1980s. Magnum PI would come out on top.

The Real 'El Capitan'

posted by El Capitan at 12:09 PM 3 comments

MSNBC.... Who Dey?

My cable company does not provide MSNBC. At first I was upset about it because I like to have access to the news channels, but now understand why it's not available. Nobody watches it. It's not even a real news channel. It's more like a halfway house for rejected media personalities. CNN isn't that far off either. Yes, Fox News gets really annoying after a while, but they must be doing something right.

Via Drudge
FLASH: CABLE NEWS RACE
WEDS NITE, OCT 12, 2005 VIEWERS

FOXNEWS O'REILLY 2,687,000
FOXNEWS HANNITY/COLMES 1,559,000
FOXNEWS SHEP SMITH 1,500,000
FOXNEWS GRETA 1,499,000
CNN KING 821,000
CNN ZAHN 818,000
CNN COOPER 766,000
CNN BROWN 687,000
CNNHN GRACE 653,000
MSNBC RITA COSBY 455,000
MSNBC HARDBALL 429,000
MSNBC SCARBOROUGH 334,000
MSNBC OLBERMANN 319,000
MSNBC TUCKER 280,000

posted by El Capitan at 7:38 AM 0 comments

Thursday, October 13, 2005
Tagged

Ma Deuce Gunner, the Cool Cat (el Gato Frio) out in Kirkuk, tagged me on Tuesday. Here it goes...

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. Watch my daughters grow into strong women
2. Finish a PhD so I can be called ‘Doc’
3. Visit Cape Town, Beijing, Tokyo, St. Petersburg, Brazilia
4. Build more overseas schools/orphanages with my own hands
5. Own my own home
6. Drive a Shelby GT-500 Cobra along Pacific Coast Highway
7. Go to space

Seven things I can do:
1. Drum the ‘Inagodadavida’ drum solo on the steering wheel
2. Write poetry
3. Build anything with wood
4. Hold my own on any video game out there
5. Recite most Tombstone, Office Space, and Pulp Fiction lines
6. Bring smiles to my kids’ faces
7. Play a mean sax with a good blues or rock band

Seven things I cannot do:
1. Play the piano
2. Run a sub 7 minute mile
3. Roll my tongue (Carrrrro, Burrrrrrito)
4. Be organized at home
5. Understand government accounting
6. Understand women
7. Find enough time in the day

Seven things I say a lot :
1. Cool
2. Dude
3. Whatever
4. Trevi! Kalyssa! (calling my daughters)
5. I miss the beach
6. Where are my keys/wallet/shoes/hat, etc
7. Damnit, Doh! (tied)

Seven things I find attractive in a female:
1. My wife (I’m not that stupid)
2. Eyes
3. The small of the back
4. Hair
5. Arse
6. Legs
7. My wife (I’m still not that stupid)

Seven celebrity crushes?
1. My Wife
2. Andie McDowell
3. Scarlett from GI Joe
4. Shakira
5. Tom Sellek (No crush, I just wanted to be Magnum PI)
6. Kylie Minogue
7. My Wife

Seven people who have nothing better to do than to get tagged:
1. Desult
2. Punk Rock Mommy
3. Mauser*Girl
4. AlliCadem
5. Tonka Toni
6. Melinda
7. Lindsay Fincher

posted by El Capitan at 10:51 AM 2 comments

Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny

I'm Back! Back from Los Angeles, the City of Angels, In-n-Out Burger, 300k cars, insane traffic, Bob Barker, and some nice beaches.

Yes, I met a few beaches. They were very outgoing. I was fumbling of course... being a little to eager and out of practice, but we worked things out and had a wonderful time. Yes, I love those beaches.

I'll try and post throughout the day as I catch up with the stacks of work waiting for me. Keep an eye out for posts on:

- tearing up Southern Cali in an 05 Mustang
- watching two tapings of The Prices is Right
- meeting with a producer from The Amazing Race
- having a front row seat to the collapse of human civilization
- Gary Coleman Billboards!!!
- and much, much more.

posted by El Capitan at 8:50 AM 0 comments

Thursday, October 06, 2005
Today It Hits The Fan

Situation: Given a task that must be completed no later than close of business today.

Problem: I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and the experts who do know are all out.

Even Worse: I just sat through 3 hours of instructions on how to complete the task, yet I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Possible Solution: I can either sit and wait for the experts since I've given up all hope on accomplishing this myself, or I can just fake a migrain and go home for the day.

Times like this I think of Dr. McCoy(me) from Star Trek yelling at Captain Kirk (my boss):

"Damn it Jim, I'm a Historian, not an Auditor!" These numbers are like Klingonese to me.

I should have joined the Coast Guard.

posted by El Capitan at 1:13 PM 11 comments

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Slow Blogging, Lots-O-Work

If I haven't linked you already, please send me your website links so I can add them to my roster. I know I've been slacking on adding some great folks to the links side of the page.

Also, I'm looking to make some changes to this site. If you have any recommendations or suggestions please send them my way. I'm open to any ideas.

Change is good.

posted by El Capitan at 10:40 AM 1 comments

Monday, October 03, 2005
Bali Blasts, Part II

I can't stress enough how sad I am for the victims and families of the latest terrorist attacks in Bali. Three misguided cowards killed themselves and twenty two innocent people in a vain attempt to push their twisted religious and political beliefs. The bombers failed to achieve their intended goals, and they're hopefully spending eternity in a very bad place now.

One of my favorite cities to visit in Australia is Newcastle. It's located above Sydney and is home to some nice beaches and even nicer people. It reminds me of a classic California coastal town about 20 years ago. Big, but small. Newcastle lost three of its own from the Bali attacks. Thirteen others from the town were wounded and are still in hospitals. Overall the city of Newcastle was hit hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to the wonderful people of that city.

It's so sad that the cowardly acts of a few can hurt so many, but knowing the backbone of the Australians, I'm reassured that something good will come of this because they are truly good people with big hearts.

posted by El Capitan at 9:17 AM 0 comments

WTF in OKC?

First, where was I this weekend, because I certainly didn't hear about the attempted suicide bombing in Oklahoma? I know some folks don't like College Football, but this guy took his dislike of Oklahoma to the extreme.

Second, is it just me or does this suicide bomber look like a photoshop manipulation of Tom Hanks and Justin Timberlake?

Mr. Mohammed Assan Tom Timberlake

posted by El Capitan at 9:09 AM 0 comments

Busy Work = Slow Blogging = Random Pictures

Best Halloween Costume Ever

How Texas Discouraged Looters

The FBI's new task force. Seriously.. this organization is real.

Tears of a Clown

posted by El Capitan at 8:58 AM 2 comments