Friday, November 18, 2005
Top Ten Dangerous Toys for Kids and Adults
Okay, here it goes. The common sense study for parents who lack common sense to know not to give your 1 year old kid small legos, a crossbow set, and anti-gravity boots.
Baby Serena - Baby I'm Yours
Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit
Splatmatic Pistol Splat Paintball Shooter
Animal Alley - Ponies
City Blocks
The Lord Of The Rings - Return Of The King Uruk-Hai Crossbow Set Including Electronic Light 'n' Sound Sting Sword
Air Kicks Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots
Fisher Price's Little Mommy Bath Baby Doll
Fantastic 4 Electronic Thing Hands
Star Wars - Revenge Of The Sith Energy Beam Blaster
Now here's my scientifically proven list of toys that are dangerous for adults. After all, if you're dumb enough to buy dangerous crap for your kid, your dumb enough to buy dangerous crap for yourself.
A Home Electrolysis Kit: If you're stupid enough to buy this for your wife you run the risk of having it shoved into a random body cavity once she realizes you think she has too much facial hair.
A Crime Scene Towel: Someone may want to make it a real crime scene towel with you in it.
Bacon Strip Adhesive Bandages: Do not send these to your Medic buddies out in Iraq or Afghanistan. If you do send them and your friend survives, be prepared for a K-Bar up the wazoo when he returns.
Dare to Keep Cops Off Donuts bumper stickers: If you're into night-sticks, handcuffs, and long nights in the Pokey, go for it. If not, don't do it.
His and Hers Matching Shirts: If you buy a pair, be prepared for a beating. If you're not pummeled, you both might end up on the big screen of some stadium between innings. If you do, don't worry... those 30,000 people aren't laughing at you, they're laughing with you.
A Yugo Race Car: Well, maybe you can splurge on your Mother in Law, but just don't ever step foot in one. Rumor is that you add value to it every time you fill the tank. That, and it's a popular and effective Molotov Cocktail.
Mr. T Pocket In Your Pocket: Do you really want the phrases 'I Pitty Da Foo' and 'Try Me Sucka' coming from your pants pocket?
Michael Jackson's Rub N' Play Transfers: Do I even have to explain?
posted by El Capitan at 1:20 AM
2 Comments:
Allison said...
You're so damn silly. But honestly, these are potentially dangerous toys to own. You could either get your rear whooped by a)a cop, b)An MJ fan (what are they thinking), c)a bitter woman or D) a wife or a combination of C)and D). All dangerous people in their own right ;)
2:28 PM Sean Dustman said...
Too late, I've already bought some bacon bandages to send forward:)
4:16 AM