Saturday, April 22, 2006
Even In a Crowd, You Can Be Lonely
I found this while cleaning out some stuff in my apartment. It is a collection of poems I used to have on my wall. I believe most were written by soldiers but it is difficult to tell since most are anonymous. I think I copied them from a book about life as a soldier but I cannot recall the title. I kept them because I felt like I could sympathize with the authors. I hope you won't mind if share some of these poems because they are some of the most expressive words I have ever read.
This first one hits home for me because I think I felt close to the way the author did for almost a decade. I look back on those times and shudder sometimes. I was listening to a lot of Morrissey and The Cure as well. Bad combination, thank God I stopped drinking and wasn't on drugs. After I found this I found myself wondering, like I did when I first read this, who the author was and what ever happened to him. I pray that he got out of his funk somehow and found happiness. If not, maybe fate was merciful and some battlefield somewhere took him out of his misery. Be warned, this is a very expressive but depressing read.
For Just One Moment
The boots on my feet seem heavy
As I tread over unforgiving lands
The weight of the rucksack, burdens my shoulders
I feel my helmet as a dull weight upon my head
My weapon, cold and heavy, sits cradled in weary arms
The cold wind sweeps over me, carrying now familiar sounds
The biter struggles and anguish of the battlefield
I continue the relentless march forward
The reason has been long forgotten
And then my world brightens
As I see her standing before me
The lady who has occupied my thoughts for so long
She smiles at the sight of me
And steps forward to greet me
Her arms come up around my shoulders
And I slide my arms around her waist
I close my eyes and breathe her scent in deeply
The weight upon my shoulders lifts
And the coldness, loneliness, bitterness, and despair melts away
As I feel her warmth against me
And I feel her joy envelop me
As I bask in her glow I gaze into her eyes
I know my own betray my emotions
And tell her how I feel about her
More eloquently than any words could say
I see her face brighten
And her smile broadens even more
But I know it is not for me
The one she saves that special smile for has arrived
She leaves my arms to step into his embrace
Her arms wrap tightly around him
Her eyes close as she nuzzles against him
I can hear her sigh with bliss
Although the embrace looks remarkably the same
I know it is not the same as the one we shared
As I watch, I know the feelings she has for him
Are far different than the ones she has for me
And then I feel it return
The rucksack burdening my shoulders
The helmet weighing down my head
The cold, unfeeling weapon in my grip
The heavy boots on my feet as I turn to depart
I leave them in the bliss of their world
As I return to my own so different from theirs
What right have I to disturb her happiness?
So I continue the relentless march forward
I have long forgotten why
Into the cold wind that carries familiar sounds
The desperate roars of valor
And the anguished cries of suffering
Of those who step onto the field of battle
As I close my eyes and lose myself in my mind
I can leave this harsh world behind
And imagine I am in her world
And dream that the way she smiled at and embraced him
Was the way she smiled at and embraced me
Even if it is only for a fleeting moment
It means so much to me
If I close my eyes and concentrate
Perhaps I can imagine that she sees me
As more than just a friend
For just one moment
posted by El Capitan at 5:56 PM
1 Comments:
said...
It's so much fun to see someone so self-righteous dig themselves into a hole. This guy is too easy and not worth the effort.
Tumbleweed