Wednesday, July 05, 2006
North Korean Performance Anxiety
Mr. Kim Jong Il, a self-proclaimed film buff, re-enacted the American Pie 'Trig-Boy' scene yesterday when he failed to 'get it up' a whopping 7 times while the world watched live on the internet. (The Russians claim they tracked 10 launches, and one landed near their side of the fence)
The best part is that Kim Jong assumed we were going to shoot his Taepodong-2 down, so he launched a gaggle of scuds to 'throw us off.' He really thought that the scuds would confuse our tracking systems, clearly showing his underestimation of the capabilities of American radar systems. We only built those systems 40 years ago to detect a thousand simultaneous ICMB launches from the shoe-pounders in Mother Russia.
So what now? Kim Jong has clearly pissed off Japan, Russia, and South Korea. Our reaction is just slightly calmer than China's complete silence on the issue. I think the U.S. is going to sit this one out at the U.N. and let North Korea's neighbors pound their own shoes/sandles/heads on the security council podium. If we lead the charge we would simply get Mr. Anan's 'talk to the hand you war monger' reaction, whereas if the locals complain to the council they'll actually get some sort of response. (Most likely a strongly worded letter to Kim Jong expressing the U.N.'s displeasure, and threatening a follow-up letter if he repeats the offense)
Ironically, NASA will be publishing a photo of the 7 astronauts laughing hysterically after watching North Korea's splash-a-thon from low-earth orbit yesterday. After all, they were able to get things up much higher than Kim Jong on the 4th of July, and two of them are women. They could throw a tool box down Kim's palace and it would be more accurate than his Taepodong-2 will ever be.
"Herro. I'm Kim Jong Il, and I can't get it up. Rike many of you I suffer from ICBM performance disorder because, as the reader of North Korea, it's ronery at the top.
posted by El Capitan at 10:48 AM
Oh, yes. Laugh it up, Surfer Boy. And I do not talk like that.12:55 PM
'Hans Brix! Your break'n my bars Hans!'
C'mon, we all know you sound like that. We watched your acting debut in Team America.
The criminals Stone and PArker took a lot of liberty that wasn't theirs. Just ask Hans!