Monday, September 17, 2007
It's Bush's Fault
Reading over Drudge's headlines this morning I jokingly started trying to find reasons why everything in the news is Bush's fault. After all, he's blamed for just about everything in this world. It took me just a few minutes to lower my I.Q. to an appropriate number in order to think like someone at Daily Kos or the Democrat Underground thinks.
OK, here it goes... It's All Bush's Fault.
No Bail for O.J. - Since Bush hates all black people, he's making sure O.J. finds himself in prison one way or another since he was able to escape those racially motivated false charges of murder back in the early 1990s. Those charges were Bush Senior's fault.
Gore Wins Emmy - Ever since Bush stole the election and destroyed the environment, Gore has dedicated his life to saving us all from the impending end of the world. Since Bush hates polar bears, the clean air, and small fur-bearing creatures, Gore was a natural choice to win an Emmy.
Jodie On Top Of Box - 'Box Office' that is. Isn't that headline a little sexist towards Lesbians? Anyway... Jodie portrays a crazy woman who's boyfriend is murdered and dog is stolen. Of course that's not what sets her off down the road to kicking ass and taking names later. She's on a mission to kill all white men, because Bush hates women, and Bush is a white man, therefore all white men must die at the hands of Jodie Foster.
Disabled Man Killed By Massive Bee Attack - The headline says it all. The bees have been oppressed by by Bush because they're Africanized Honey Bees, so now the bees are seeking revenge any way they can. Of course the man they killed was also oppressed by Bush because he was disabled, and Bush hates all disabled Americans. Since the man, and most of the Bees, were killed, it was a win-win for the evil disabled bee-hating administration.
Madonna: 'I'm an ambassador of Judaism' - Since Bush is in cahoots with the Jews who want to take over the world, Madonna is trying to fight the 'bad Jew' stereotype by promoting the 'good, peace-loving Jewish community.' Of course her methods for being an ambassador of Judaism is to strip down naked, hitchhike through Jerusalem, and sleep with 50 men at the same time. She's hoping to sway the younger, Bush hating Jewish crowd.
Cities Cracking Down on Saggy Pants - Need I say more. This is a no-brainer. Only ethnically diverse young men wear saggy pants, so Bush hates saggy pants and has ordered the Feds to crack down on saggy pant-wearing young men. Who do you think populates half of GITMO's cells?
Army Records First Drone Kills - Part of Bush' s attempt to take over the world, he's deploying a force of robotic drones to Iraq. Once perfected, they'll swarm over U.S. cities and force Americans, at gunpoint, to drive SUVs and read the bible. After all, what's more American to Bush than SUVs and the bible?
Whew... that was tough. Thankfully I have the ability to elevate my I.Q. back to a more normal, logical level. What's funny is I could probably get a job working for the Democratic National Committee, or maybe even work for the New York Times.
People, help me! I'm being set up by Chimpy McHaliburton and the evil white devils. I didn't do it! I'm innocent. C'mon, it's me... O.J. You can believe me! Where's Kanye West? He knows what I'm talking about.
posted by El Capitan at 7:58 AM
That does it. You are on report.
Just how much did you drink to kill enough brain cells to be able to write this one? I got a headache just reading it...
When the Democrats see that, you'll be running their PR immediately.