Dude, where's the beach?

Friday, January 28, 2005
This Man Is My Hero!

My list of heros is short, but this man just made that list. I hope he gets a few endorsements out of this one.

28 January 2005
Man peed way out of avalanche (link)
"A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.
He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.
But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.
He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.
He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."
Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours."

posted by El Capitan at 6:44 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 24, 2005
Monday Morning News... Bring a Shovel

I've noticed that NBC, ABC, CBS, BBC, Reuters, AP, and CNN are all bunkering down in Iraq to report on the upcoming elections. Sadly, their stories are anything but newsworthy. I think they've all flown over the pond in order to assist the insurgents in stopping Iraq's march towards democracy. You may think I'm being sarcastic, but Abu Musab al-Zarqawi said it himself this weekend when he declared a "fierce war" on democracy and said anyone who takes part in next weekend's Iraqi elections would be considered "an infidel." Zarqawi has finally come out of the closet and admitted to the world that he is fighting democracy, and who better then to help him in his crusade against democracy (and in coming out of the closet) then the leftist mainstream media of the west. After all, they fought so long and hard to prop up communism by romanticising the USSR, reporting on how much happier and peace-loving they were. They still do it with Cuba, and would also be propping up North Korea if it weren't for that pesky little tyrannical dictator's media blackout. Come on Kim Jong Ill, you know you want out of the closet too!

Heck, Iraq represents the good ol' days for the media. The common denominator is that 'evil capitalist empire' called the USA. The only difference this time is that the Western news reporters are wearing Arab Agals instead of Russian Fur Caps. Watch how hard the press will be working to spin the news when the elections turn out to be a great success. "Elections Are Over: Iraq Still Vietnam"

Now I see why the media didn't like President Bush's speech about Freedom, Liberty and Democracy. It goes against everything they believe in.

posted by El Capitan at 4:38 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Random Thoughts...

I was in St. Louis this weekend. I was finally able to visit the Arch, and it was surprisingly impressive. I've been let down before with monuments and other so-called famous tourist attractions, so I wasn't expecting much. This was different though. It was extremely cold, and i was dared to stick my tounge against the arch to see if it would stick. Nope, no such luck. I could imagine the headlines if it had stuck.... "Idiot Sticks Tounge To Arch." I might have even made the darwin awards.... scary.

I've come to realize that my 2 year old daughter is one of the coolest people I've ever known. At 2 she already has a sense of humor, a unique and funny laugh, and she loves to dance and listen to music. The best part, she is the only child I know who says 'Please and Thank You' without being prompted. If she hurts you, she apologizes and feels remose. It's just amazing what a 2 year old is capable of. I know I know, give her a few more years and she'll be asking for money, wearing make-up, and won't want to be seen near me, which is why I'm going to enjoy every minute of this phase she's in. I know it won't last long... my 5 year old is already corrupting her. My 5 year old thinks she's 12 already, but that's another story (and another headache).

Only 8.5 months until I turn 30. I'm desperately trying to increase my maturity level to meet my upcoming birthday, but I don't think It's going to work. I'm doomed... or should I say my poor wife is doomed. She's the one that deals with me.

posted by El Capitan at 2:54 PM 0 comments

Thursday, January 13, 2005
Outstanding Article About U.S. and Aussie Tsunami Relief

January 13, 2005 (Hat tip to Mrs. Malkin, another woman who does all the work and gets no glory)

The London Daily Telegraph's Christopher Booker on the BBC's tsunami coverage. LAST week we were subjected to one of the most extraordinary examples of one-sided news management of modern times, as most of Britain's media, led by the BBC, studiously ignored what was by far the most effective and dramatic response to Asia's tsunami disaster. A mighty task force of more than 20 US Navy ships, led by a vast nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the Abraham Lincoln, and equipped with nearly 90 helicopters, landing craft and hovercraft, was carrying out a round-the-clock relief operation, providing food, water and medical supplies to hundreds of thousands of survivors.The BBC went out of its way not to report this. Only when one BBC reporter hitched a lift from one of the Abraham Lincoln's Sea Hawk helicopters to report from the Sumatran coast was there the faintest hint of the part that the Americans, aided by the Australian navy, were playing.

Instead the BBC's coverage was dominated by the self-important vapourings of a stream of politicians, led by the UN's Kofi Annan; the EU's "three-minute silence"; the public's amazing response to fund-raising appeals; and a UNICEF-inspired scare story about orphaned children being targeted by sex traffickers. The overall effect was to turn the wholedrama into a heart-tugging soap opera.

The real story of the week should thus have been the startling contrast between the impotence of the international organisations, the UN and the EU, and the remarkable efficiency of the US and Australian military on the ground ... But when even Communist China's news agency tells us more about what is really going on than the BBC, we see just how strange the world has become. One real lesson of this disaster is that all the international aid in the world is worthless unless one has the hardware and organisational know-how to deliver it. That is what the US and Australia have been showing, as the UN and the EU are powerless to do. But because, to the BBC, it is a case of "UN and EU good, US and military bad", the story is suppressed. The BBC's performance has become a national scandal.

posted by El Capitan at 11:10 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, January 12, 2005
"Office Space" Therapy

Bob: "You've been missing a lot of work lately Peter"
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it Bob"

"Hey, Lawrence...have you ever gone into work on a Monday not feeling too hot and then someone comes up to you and says, "Looks like someone's having a case of the Mondays?" "...No. No, man! I do believe you get your *** kicked for sayin' somethin' like that."
Peter: You know what I hate my job I don't think I'm going to go anymore
Joanna:So you're quitting
Peter: No I'm just not going to go
Joanna: Aren't you going to get fired
Peter: I don't but I don't like it so I'm not going

Lumberg" Hello Peter... Whaaats happening? Are you going to have those TPS reports ready? Peter Gibbons "No" (While playing tetris)

"PC Loadletter? What the *beep* does that mean??"

Bob Slidell: Are you any relation to the pop singer?
Michael Bolton: Naw, it's just a coincidence.
Bob Slidell: Because I'll be honest with you! I love his music! I do! I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'.

Bob Slidell: What.. what would you say... you do here?
Tom: Look, I already told you! I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

Lawrence: Hey Peter!
Peter: Yeah?
Lawrence: Watch out for your cornhole, bud.
Peter: Okay, Lawrence.

posted by El Capitan at 10:24 AM 0 comments

Why Is Ohio So Boring?

Yes, it's time to bag on Ohio. Dont' get me wrong, it's a nice place to live, but that's all it is. It isn't fun, adventurous, thrilling, amazingly beautiful, etc. It's boring... very very boring. You can do all of the fun things this state has to offer in one week. After that, it's all down hill. If I were interested in living a quiet life, this place might work. Sadly for me, Quiet=Boring.

I need weather that changes from day to day, or is mostly sunny and warm. These gray skies aren't cutting it out here. Also, why do people build homes and cities next to rivers that flood EVERY STINK'N YEAR?? Flood my house once, shame on you, flood it twice, shame on me, flood it every year, I'm a absolute dunce for living in a flood zone. Come-freak'n-On here!

There is more crime here than in LA. There are more cars stolen here in Dayton then any city I've ever been to. More rapes, robberies, etc. Lots of drugs... okay, I shoudn't point all of this out. It's common almost everywhere. Maybe I'm just griping too much here.

The point is, I'm bored. I can't even look out the window of my office because it's so boring. My monitor is much more appealing than the view outside. WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END?

Another thing about Ohio is that it's residents are all hardcore OSU fans. My question is... why? Why would you want OSU urinal cakes and car stickers and OSU hot dogs and sport coats and wagons for the kidlings? I wonder how many weddings have had Red/White/Grey color schemes around here? How many baby rooms are filled with OSU mementos to indoctrinate the young? Why... why why why? Yes, it's great to have a favorite team, but why make it the center of your life? No telling how many people would commit suicide if the team ever lost 3 games in a row. Of course committing suicide around here wouldn't be in the form of downing tainted OSU red Kool-Aid. It would be all of the OSU fans leaving bars and pubs and driving home after drinking 30 beers each as opposed to the standard 20 beers if their team had won. That slight increase of intoxication would cause more post-game motor deaths than usual.

I'm starting to see a connection here. Let me put it in mathematical terms:

Ohio = (Boredom/alcohol) x (OSU). Ohio is naturally boring, so its citizenry dilutes that boredom with alcohol, and then multiplies it all by focusing all of their life's energy on a football team. (Wow, I even amaze myself occasionally. I wonder if this is how Einstein felt when he proved his theory of relativity.)

In summary, Ohio is boring... I'm ready to move on. We'll all be moving this summer, preferably near an actual beach. The thought of that is all that is keeping me going now.

In a few months I'll be clawing my way to the finish line like a man stranded in the Sahara with an oasis in sight, repeating over and over again... 'almost there, almost there.'

God help us all. (especially if an OSU fan reads this post)

Meaningful Quote from "Office Space"

Peter- So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means, that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr.Swanson -What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter- Yeah.
Dr. Swanson- Wow, that's messed up.

posted by El Capitan at 9:46 AM 7 comments

The U.S. vs. the World In Tsunami Relief

Hat-Tip to Chrenkoff for finding this statement via Diplomad. Once again, the U.S. leads every aspect of the relief effort, yet the UN gets credit. I wonder how history will remember all of this?

"We have all heard how the quake-tsunami that has cost perhaps as many as 160,000 lives, thus far, has produced an unprecedented outpouring of global generosity. But has it, really? As we have tried to document, for example, the UN bureaucracy has not shown itself particularly concerned with saving lives, but more with preserving its status as a politically correct over-paid elite. But even more troubling than the antics of the increasingly incompetent, cynical and irrelevant UN has been the tepid or non-existent response to the disaster from the majority of mankind, including from citizens within the most affected countries."

"In Western countries, we see not only governments pledging sizable sums of money, but private individuals, as well. I can't count, for example, the number of letters, emails, and calls we have received from private Americans wanting to help in anyway they can to save lives. All across America, Australia, and Europe private citizens have raised enormous sums for tsunami relief. Local branches of American companies have raised large amounts of money and donated expensive machinery and other supplies to the effort. At the Embassy, we have seen American staff voluntarily cancel leave plans (often at considerable financial cost); cut short vacations; and volunteer for duties such as manning phones in our 24 hr. opcenter; helping load and unload trucks and C-130s; or spending days working and sleeping under exceptionally grim conditions in the areas most affected. And, of course, Australian and American military personnel, at great monetary cost and personal risk, have led the way in the massive relief effort underway."

"I see, however, no outpouring of support in most of the world's countries. The oil-rich Arabs? Where are they? But most frustrating and even angering is the lack of concern exhibited by average and elite members of the societies most directly affected. This was driven home in the course of an interminable meeting a few days ago discussing some silly resolution or another calling on the UN to appoint a "Special Representative for Tsunami Relief." A relatively senior Sri Lankan official leaned over and said to me, "Why do we want to bother with this? We all know you Americans will do everything." A nice compliment, I suppose, but on reflection a sad commentary not only about the rest of the world but presumably about Sri Lanka, itself. One would expect the affected countries to take the lead in relief efforts. None of the most seriously affected countries (Indonesia, Sri Lanka, Maldives) is a dirt poor country; all have well-established governments and national identities."

"In Jakarta, aside from flags at half-staff, we have seen no signs of mourning for the victims: while employees and dependents of the American embassy spent their holiday loading trucks and putting together medicine kits, the city's inhabitants went ahead with New Year's parties; nightclubs and shopping centers are full; and regular television programming continues. At least 120,000 of their fellow countrymen are dead, and Indonesians hardly talk about it, much less engage in massive charitable efforts. The exceptionally wealthy businessmen of the capital -- and the country boasts several billionaires -- haven't made large donations to the cause of Sumatran relief; a few scattered NGOs have done a bit, but there are no well-organized drives to raise funds and supplies. We have seen nothing akin to what happened in the USA following the 9/11 atrocity, or the hurricanes in Florida of this past year."

"The Sri Lankan's words echo in my mind every day, ""Why do we want to bother with this? We all know you Americans will do everything." With the exception of handful of Western countries, most of the world would appear inhabited by the sort of Eloi-type creatures depicted in that old sci-fi flick based on H.G. Wells' The Time Machine, passively watching as flood waters or Morlocks drag their fellows away."

posted by El Capitan at 9:38 AM

Monday, January 10, 2005
Finally Someone Agrees With Me

About 2 years ago I noticed that most television commercials depicted fathers as bumbling, fat, and balding morons who couldn't take care of children without the house being destroyed, the kid covered in food, and the wife coming to his rescue. These adds really erked me to the core, but I thought I was the only one who noticed until today when I came across a news story talking about this issue. It seems as though I'm not alone anymore.

Finally someone is standing up for non-balding, non-fat, non-bumbling, intelligent fathers who can actually feed their children, clean their house, and have a great time while the wife is away.

Here's the link to the article.

posted by El Capitan at 11:21 AM 1 comments

Thursday, January 06, 2005
Winter Sucks

I hate grey skies and rain/snow/cold air!

Where's the Sun!

Where's the Surf!

Where's the Warm Breeze!

I need a drink. Any suggestions?

posted by El Capitan at 4:00 PM 0 comments

Review of My Travels So Far

When I was a kid I never imagined leaving the state of California, let alone ever having the opportunity to travel to other countries. This afternoon I decided to list every state and country I've been to so far because I still can't believe I've been able to travel so much in so little time. Of course I need to add more countries to the list, but I'm certain I will. If anything, at least I've circumnavigated the globe at least once. From where I came from, that's amazing.

States I've Visited:
California, Alaska, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Nevada, Idaho, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Maryland

States I Still Need To See:
Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, South Dakota, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware

Countries I've Visited:
Mexico, Canada, Germany, Turkey, Kyrgyzstan, Kuwait, Qatar, Iraq, United Arab Emirates, Australia

Countries I Still Need To See:
All of 'em!

posted by El Capitan at 1:36 PM 1 comments

Outstanding Tsunami Site by the NY Times

Click on this site for outstanding Tsunami coverage and graphics.

I highly recommend spending a few minutes there.

(For once, the New York Times did something noteworthy and unbiased)

posted by El Capitan at 1:20 PM 0 comments

See, I Told You So...

To The Ivy Bush, whom I mentioned in my last post.... here's to you.

From a blog written by American foreign service officers:

Well, dear friends, we're now into the tenth day of the tsunami crisis and in this battered corner of Asia, the UN is nowhere to be seen -- unless you count at meetings, in five-star hotels, and holding press conferences.
Aussies and Yanks continue to carry the overwhelming bulk of the burden, but some other fine folks also have jumped in: e.g., the New Zealanders have provided C-130 lift and an excellent and much-needed potable water distribution system; the Singaporeans have provided great helo support; the Indians have a hospital ship taking position off Sumatra. Spain and Netherlands have sent aircraft with supplies.

The UN continues to send its best product, bureaucrats.

Oh, but wait... I almost forgot, we're the evil, bad ones and the UN is just out to save the world.

posted by El Capitan at 1:03 PM 0 comments

Contrary to Popular Belief, WE ARE NOT THE ENEMY!

I came across this statement in a blog called The Ivy Bush.

The $350 million pledged by the U.S. government for earthquake and tsunami relief works out to $1.20 per American citizen. Compare that to our decadent so-called allies in old Europe:Sweeden--$75 million, or $8.40 per Swede.Denmark--$15.6 million, or $2.90 per Dane.Great Britain--$96 million, or $1.63 per Brit.

Here was my response:

- U.S. Gov. Contributions - 350 million cash, and hundreds of millions in food, water, shelter, medical supplies, and military equipment and personnel to move it all.
- U.S. Civilian Contributions as of early January - 220+ million and still growing.

When will you realize that we're not the enemy... we're the good guys.

So why did I share this with you? I guess it just kills me to know that there are Americans out there that still believe we're an evil entity in the world. They believe with every ounce of their soul that the United States, under a conservative administration, wants nothing more than to starve children, pollute the environment, control all oil, and take over the world.

Don't they realize that over the last 100 years two countries actually tried this: Germany and The Soviet Union. The results of their evil ambitions were World Wars I, II, and the III (aka The Cold War). The United States stood in the way each time, and we've done everything in our power to spread freedom and democracy around the world. Yes, we're not perfect, and we have made some grisly mistakes along the way, but our core beliefs have never changed. We are good people who have helped, and will always help, those in need. Hence the Tsunami relief.

Whereas some nations can only donate money, we can donate money, food, supplies, AND the resources of our military, which just so happens to be the largest humanitarian force in the world. When all is said and done, we will have given billions to the effort, and in the process turn the empoverished lives of many people around. We will have given more than the entire European Union combined. If you even doubt that statement, you're in a reality all on your own, deserving lots of medication and a padded cell.

Once again, we are the good guys. I'm tired of you whiners who can't accept that proven, undeniable fact. If you don't like being in the best country in the history of civilization, Canada is waiting with its arms wide open.

posted by El Capitan at 10:10 AM 0 comments

A Great Quote..

Woke up early this morning and made the mistake of turning on TV. One of my all-time favorite movies, 'The Right Stuff', was just starting. Of course I sat there and watched what I could, making myself nearly late for work. There was a line in the film that was very funny.

"Our Germans are better than their Germans."

I dunno, maybe it's just funny to me because I'm a history geek and I understood the context. Yes, I find myself laughing at stuff few others think is funny. Oh well, once a geek, always a geek.

posted by El Capitan at 9:56 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, January 04, 2005
What Would You Do?

There's a rumor going around that we've captured terrorist Abu-Musab al-Zarqawi. You would have to be living under a rock for the last 2 years to not know that he's a mass-murdering terrorist who's killing spree will pass Bin Laden's if he isn't stopped soon. Even if the rumor is false, it got me thinking about what I would want to happen to al-Zarqawi.

After all, he's the guy that personally beheaded Americans while cheering God is Great. Even though I wouldn't mind doing that to him, I'm not like him so I could never do that. It wouldn't be right. So here's my question... what would you do? If we captured him, what would you want done to him, or what would you like to have happen to him?

Maybe turn him over to a crowd of Iraqis who have lost loved ones because of him. Maybe send him to Guantanimo for the rest of his life. I have no idea....

posted by El Capitan at 3:48 PM 0 comments