Dude, where's the beach?

Saturday, July 30, 2005
Review of 'The Dukes of Hazard'

I just came back from a sneak-peak of Dukes of Hazard. (Of course I have major insider Hollywood connections.) Two words…. Car Porn! Everything else was a huge disappointment. Here’s the breakdown.

The Good:

The General Lee: The car was excellent. The sound of the engine, the sweet horn, and the dirt kicked up by the tires was worth ever penny. Almost needed a cold shower after a few scenes.

The Chase Scenes: I guess this falls under the General Lee category, but the scenes were well done. You could tell they tried to match up a few shots with some of the more famous chase scenes from the TV show. The only mistake was the music chosen during the scenes. Yes AC/DC kicks ass, but they do not go well with the Dukes in a car chase.

Daisy Duke: She was an intelligent and beautiful woman in the show, and Jessica Simpson kept that going in the movie. Yes, Jessica Simpson and ‘Intelligent’ don’t always jive well, but she actually pulled it off. Oh, and her wardrobe wasn’t all that bad either.

Hazard County: It looked like a real nice town as opposed to the obviously fictional Hollywood set it once was. Finally, a believable small Georgia town.

The Bad: (Where to begin?)

Bo and Luke Duke: The TV characters were once mature, intelligent, and respectable people who always found themselves in bad situations. The movie characters were young, dumb, and dirty troublemakers who did nothing but screw, curse, and do everything possible to get into trouble. It was pretty sad to think that the kids watching the movie will forever think of Bo and Luke as idiot hicks, or as Luke preferred, “Appalachian Americans.”

Boss Hog: The original Boss Hog was a fat, lovable, but conniving man who loved his food and his money. Burt Reynolds portrays him as a skinny, evil capitalist who would kill babies and small fur-bearing animals if they stood in his way.

Roscoe P. Coltrane: Who in the hell was this guy? I used to like Roscoe. He had likable traits, and was genuinely a nice guy/bad cop. The new Roscoe was a mean, evil, and unwatchable bad cop. This guy was nothing like the original.

Uncle Jesse: Don’t get me wrong…I like Willie Nelson. I just don’t like the fact that he turns the honorable uncle Jesse into a moronic pot head and absent-minded veteran. Did any of the movie’s writers or producers ever watch the show? Even once? Willie did have a few good jokes, but that was it. He was painful to watch up on the screen.

The Music: Once again, gotta love Willie Nelson, but his rendition of the Duke’s theme song royally sucked. And as mentioned before, Classic Rock and Alternative music do not belong in a chase scene. Whatever happened to the great chase music from the show. Believe it or not, but fast and dirty country music with a hard playing banjo made great action scene music.

The Politics: The Confederate Flag on the General Lee was a source of several jokes. While driving through Atlanta the Dukes were labeled racist by whites and blacks alike. When Bo and Luke realized that a Confederate Flag had been painted on the roof of their car they shook their heads in disbeleif. There was another scene with (sadly portrayed) gangster thugs confronting the Dukes about the flag. Not funny at all.

Conclusion: The first half of the movie was astonishingly bad. I can understand why we were all checked for recording devices before entering the theater. The studio didn’t want the truth to get out prior to them making back the cost of movie.

The second half was OK. I loved the car scenes and a few of the jokes, but I’m a General Lee psycho fan who has loved that car with a passion for decades, so I’m a bit biased. Yes, I even cringed when the car was damaged time after time. Surprisingly the car gets smashed up quite a bit, but that’s mainly because Bo and Luke sucked and couldn’t keep the thing on the road like the TV characters could. Seriously, Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville were nothing but immature frat boys who couldn’t drive... basically playing themselves.

Overall the movie was sad. Ben ‘Cooter’ Jones was right… they took a great show and turned it into a ‘Road Trip’ for dumb hicks….or as they said, “Appalachian Americans.”

I'm not even going to rate it on my 'Movies Are Like Liquor' scale. I don't want to bring the highly regarded, non-partisan process to such lows. Go see the movie for the car, but don’t expect much of anything else.

I'm sticking to the original series and cast.

posted by El Capitan at 5:53 PM 2 comments

Friday, July 29, 2005
The Best News Headlines Are In Britain

When the U.S. caught the mastermind of September 11th in Pakistan, you never once read a headline like the one pictured above. Why is it that the Brits can call a Spade a Spade when they see one, whereas we give similar good news the bottom left corner of Page A-21?

Congrats to the London Police... You Got The Bastards. Now make 'em cough up everything they can before they're sent off to 'Club Gitmo' or some other PC paradise for terrorists. If there's a run on Gerbils and Lube at the Qwicky-Mart across from the station where these guys are being questioned, you know the cops are having a field day.

posted by El Capitan at 11:13 PM 0 comments

Career Limbo

What is classified as being in career limbo? Especially military career limbo. I think I may be in it, or at least some really bad Twighlight Zone episode. Either way, this sucks.

Still waiting for that Joint Chiefs 'coffee boy' position to open up.

posted by El Capitan at 8:47 AM 2 comments

Thursday, July 28, 2005
Screw NASA, I'm Flying Commercial

Virgin Atlantic's newest partner...

Virgin Galactic

I'm all over this one.

posted by El Capitan at 12:11 PM 0 comments

The Day Common Sense Died

If only common sense ruled the day.

Can you imagine the outrage if a sign like this were found in the U.S.? I think it's brilliant, poignant, and required. C'mon, if we can have common sense signs that say 'No Littering', or 'Watch Your Step,' why not something like this?

(Hat tip to the General of General Aviation, NB)

posted by El Capitan at 8:48 AM 0 comments

Air Force Nerds, Nobody Comes Close

(Telegraph) "Briton facing extradition to America for perpetrating "the biggest computer hack of all time" left a message criticising American foreign policy on an army computer, a court heard yesterday."

Apparently this guy shut down Army and Navy networks along the east coast. Must explain the slowness of the Pentagon lackeys whenever I need something from them. The funniest thing about this story is that it goes to show which service recruits the best computer nerds in America. That's right, the United States Air Force.

We are nerd central when it comes to high-tech networks and such. Just walk into any communications building on an AF base. 9 out of 10 men and women in the building are easily classifiable as nerds and/or geeks under the 'Revenge of the Nerds' criteria established in the early 1980s. I swear we must be recruiting these kids via 'Dungeons and Dragons' chat rooms or Star Wars movie conventions.

This British hacker couldn't touch the Air Force. He shouldn't even be called a hacker... he was a noob that couldn't hang with the big boys.

Never forget... the Air Force has the fastest planes, best computer networks, and the best nerds in the nation. Our commercials should brag to the Army and Navy about how "Our nerds are better then your nerds."

USAF... Nobody Comes Close (To Our Computer Nerds)

posted by El Capitan at 7:27 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Two Damn Good Websites

The First: Not sure where these guys come from, but their website is outstanding.

- Tom Cruise Is Nuts! (tomcruiseisnuts.com)

The Second: Watch Tom Cruise kill Oprah Winfrey!

- You Killed Oprah, You Bastard!

Go visit them now... you know Tom would want you to.

The Scientology Shaman applies 'The Thumb', other wise known as the 'Hubbard Mind Meld' on his victims, mostly young naive women with lots of money.

posted by El Capitan at 3:00 PM 0 comments

This Is Way To Cool

I am standing outside of my house updating my blog on my sons PSP. This is so unfair. I want one.

Modern technology kicks arse, but it's sad that my kids have better toys at the moment. Time to upgrade.

posted by El Capitan at 2:51 PM 0 comments

Where Is Bob Hope When You Need Him?

Where is our generation's Bob Hope? No, our troops morale is not low, and the Global War on Terror does not currently require a pep-rally. I just think that the men and women of the Armed Services deserve someone like Bob Hope to stop by their deployed locations every now and then.

So far I've seen J-Lo, Kid Rock, Toby Keith, and a bunch of other entertainers cruise on through a base or two, but it's not the same. The only person that has come close is Robin Williams. He's funnier then hell, and his bond with the troops is strong. The only drawback is that Williams is not a supporter of the liberation of 40 million people from tyrannical governments. He's like 99% of most liberal stars: He supports the troops, just not the war, the administration, the government, etc etc.

Of course it's not necessary for him to do so and he has a right to dissent, but his dissent (like so many others in Hollywood) is not genuine. If Bill Clinton or Al Gore had done the same thing, Williams would never disavow them or question their motives.

So back to my original question... Where is Bob Hope when we need him? Are entertainers like him a relic of the past? Are we now at the mercy of no-talent bimbos or musicians trying to get a tax break by volunteering every so often?

Hey Scotty! Beam down Bob Hope when you get the chance. There are a few hundred thousand soldiers, sailors, and airmen that could use a little support.

UPDATE: Like the young Elvis vs. old Elvis debate, the young Bob Hope was much more funny than the old one. I was hoping there was someone out there that could entertain and support us like the young Bob Hope.

Bob Hope, the only Hollywood star who could take on the Krauts, Japs, Koreans, Charlie, The Ruskies and Saddam. He makes John Rambo look like a wussy boy.

posted by El Capitan at 11:03 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit

Debris Spotted Falling From Discovery

A collective "Holy Shit" was heard echoing throughout NASA.

posted by El Capitan at 2:47 PM 0 comments

Nice To Know We Can Still Get It Up

Video of the launch and live feed if you missed it

Story here if you're clueless

How we got it up

posted by El Capitan at 11:50 AM 0 comments

Kyrgyzstan Gives Us The Green Light

After all the talk by Kyrgyzstan's new President, Kurmanbek Bakiev, about the U.S. leaving the Air Base it operates out of Manas (near the capital city of Bishkek), SecDef Donald Rumsfeld has received the green light from the Kyrgyz to continue using the base in support of operations in Afghanistan.

As the BBC correctly noted (for once), when the U.S. leased the base "The move extended American influence deep into the territory of the former Soviet Union." This base is not just vital to our Afghan operations; it is our last hope for maintaining any important influence in that region. (Afghanistan doesn't count because it's too far south)

Russia and China have been trying to push us out of Manas the day we set foot on Kyrgyz soil because they see our presence as a threat to their respective spheres of influence. The news that we're staying on longer is like a thumb to the eye of Putin and Beijing.

Good on Rumsfeld for rushing out to Bishkek and increasing our friendship with Kyrgyzstan's new government.

To quote Bogey, this new deal looks like the start of a a beautiful friendship. It also adds backbone to the Global War on Terror, and the weakening of China and Russia's grasp on Central Asia.

posted by El Capitan at 10:03 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 25, 2005
Must Be One Of Those Days?

How could anyone today call for the immediate withdrawal of coalition forces from Iraq?

I guess I should just ask Ms. Jane Fonda.

Maybe she should take her new Anti-War tour bus and cruise up and down the strip in downtown Baghdad.

posted by El Capitan at 5:27 PM 1 comments

"The four Seals had landed in a trap"

US Navy Seals' Afghan disaster

An interesting article that says very little on how so many Navy Seals died, yet goes in depth about how poorly the U.S. is doing in Afghanistan. Maybe it's just my interpretation, but coming from the BBC I doubt I'm that far off.

posted by El Capitan at 5:21 PM 3 comments

My Tombstone - Have A Drink On Me

Just a reminder that if or when I finally go 'Teets Up', I want this to be my tombstone. Fill it with Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and let all 7 of my mourners drink to their hearts content.

I'm trying to convince my wife that this would be a great idea, but she's not buying it. C'mon, it's gotta be cheaper than granite or marble. I'll just have to slip it in the ol' Will when she's not looking.

posted by El Capitan at 7:05 AM 3 comments

Saturday, July 23, 2005
Mubarak should go 'Ancient Egypt' on terrorist ass

Egyptian Toll Hits 88; Mubarak Vows Hunt

Just as I support Britain going 'Medieval' on extremist asses, I fully back Egypt's new fight to track down the rampant extremism within its nation and stop it before more innocent people are killed.

In other words, it's time Mubarak goes 'Ancient Egypt' on terrorist ass.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the people, families, and nations who have lost or suffered from this latest attack on modern civilization.

posted by El Capitan at 2:17 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 22, 2005
Gotta Love John Howard

"The nations leading the fight against terrorism have balls nearly the size of my own, and terrorists have despised us for decades over this and many other reasons."

Australian Prime Minister John Howard lecturing yet another reporter about why radical Islam declared war on the west long before the liberation of Iraq.

posted by El Capitan at 1:29 PM 0 comments

Would 'Ouch' Be An Understatement?

USA's Chelsea Davis is tended to after hitting her head on the board in the preliminary round of the women's three-meter springboard diving competition at the World Aquatics Championships Friday, July 22, 2005 in Montreal. Davis required stitches to close the wound. (AP Photo/Ryan Remiorz)

posted by El Capitan at 1:25 PM 1 comments

"29,327 Reasons Why the Liberation of Iraq Was Necessary"

Good analysis from 'Call a Spade a Spade'. Chrenkoff provided the link.

Iraq Body Count
Recent media reports quoting the newly sanctioned "bureau of statistics" Iraqi Body Count (IBC) reiterated its claims that 25,881 civilians have been killed in Iraq since April 2003.

Here are some basic calculations:

- IBC have claimed in the past that the 1,200 civilians who died in
Afghanistan were in fact 3,800 civilians.
- Considering a standard IBC exaggeration error of 216% (based
on the Afghanistan statistic), the Iraqi death count should be
scaled back to 8,173.
- Since the liberation of Iraq, mass graves containing 400,000
people killed by Saddam Hussein have been discovered. This
figure, which represents a fraction of the dead and does not
account for nearly a million casualties of the Iraq-Iran war,
averages nearly 17,000 people per annum over 24 years of a
brutal regime.
- This figure equates to 37,500 saved lives since April 2005.
- Based on the above, there is a net figure of 29,327 Iraqi men and
women who are walking around freely in Iraq who would be
rotting in graves had Bush yielded to left wing activists that form
the backbone (or lack thereof) of IBC and its sister organisations.

That’s 29,327 reasons why the liberation of Iraq was necessary and legitimate!

When factoring in what the future held under Saddam and what the future holds under the emerging democratic state, this figure expands exponentially.

posted by El Capitan at 12:35 PM 0 comments

Who Would Have Imagined?

NEWSFLASH!
The terrorists who want to kill all of us or convert us to their religion are all…Muslims from the Middle East/South Asia!

"This newsflash provided as a public service announcement from VRWC to those “terminally clueless” pansies on the opposite side of reality who cry about “racial profiling” when we’re in the middle of a damn WAR. War is hell!"

Just thought I'd spread the news.

posted by El Capitan at 12:25 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 21, 2005
I Pitty The Fool...

posted by El Capitan at 1:18 PM 0 comments

Can You Hear Me Now???!!!

This exchange between PM Howard and PM Blair and a reporter about the latest bombing of London says it all.

(Via Michelle Malking)
"Howard responds to moonbat reporter hounding about Iraq. Reminds reporter that the Bali bombings occurred before operations in Iraq, 9/11 attacks occurred before Iraq, murder of Australian diplomat Sergio di Mello (related to al Qaeda's anger over East Timor) before Iraq. Blair reiterates Howard's point"

It's.Not.About.Iraq.You.Simpleminded.Bafoon!!!!!!! Scores of terrorist attacks prior to Iraq, hundreds of murders, the list goes on and on. Stop using Iraq as an excuse to explain why we're at war with terrorists. Stop hiding your head in the sand and exposing your ass, because if you haven't noticed yet it's getting royally kicked over and over again. They don't hate us because we're in Iraq or Afghanistan, they hate us because we're alive.

This reality leaves you with only two choices... roll over and die or fight for the very survival of your nation, your culture, and your life. Very simple decision, don't you think?

Good vs. Evil
Ideology of Freedom vs. Ideology of Hatred
Life vs. Death
Democracy vs. Theocracy
Our Modern Way of Life vs. Reverting back to the The Dark Ages

So what's it going to be?

posted by El Capitan at 11:24 AM 1 comments

Ich Bin Ein Freakazoid!

Michael Jackson wants to move to Berlin
What's stopping him? I bet a lot of Germans are kicking themselves for tearing down the wall so soon. It was their only line of defence against the ensuing invasion of the Jackson Clan.

posted by El Capitan at 7:35 AM 0 comments

China Revalues Its Currency

China raised the value of its money by 2.2%. In other words, someone woke up and asked, "How can we screw the U.S. today?"

(BBC) "China is protected by having huge currency reserves of $750bn (£400bn), built up by its years of trade surpluses. But many of these are in US Treasury bonds, which will become less valuable to China after its revaluation.
So China may start to switch from holding dollars to holding other types of currency, for example the euro, which could lead to a sharp fall in the value of the dollar.
It could also make it more difficult (or expensive) for the US government to finance its massive budget deficit."

Yes, we're the ones getting ourselves into this mess, but China's latest move doesn't really help much.

posted by El Capitan at 7:07 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
God Speed Scotty

'Star Trek's' Scotty, James Doohan, dead at 85

I guess God needed some more power from Heaven's Warp Drives. Mr. Doohan will forever be a part of our American culture, and will be missed by all. Especially us geeks who to this day still shout 'Scotty, I need more power' at everything from blenders, lawnmowers, and cars.

God Speed to one of the best damn actors, WWII Veterans, and Federation Engineers ever. Also, exfbonnie reminded me that when it's my turn to go teets up, I can now look up and say "Beam me up Scotty"

UPDATE: According to the BBC Doohan's ashes will be sent into space, "following those of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry." Very appropriate. I just hope it's not a NASA-run organization sending him off.

posted by El Capitan at 12:21 PM 11 comments

Why Does China Need Military Parity?

Just finished reading the Report to Congress on China. To start, everybody seems to be focusing on China's regional aspirations when those are just small beans compared to their global agenda. China still has a few years to go before it can really have parity with the U.S. in most realms of military strength, but they are charging fast and hard. Why?

If they're just in it for economic prosperity and gaining a foothold in the global market, why then do they need military parity with the U.S.?

You may not like the answer, but sometimes the truth does hurt. China is not France, so any comparison should be laughed at. (They still need a few surrenders under their belt before any comparison can be made) China is a Communist nation, and if you recall your Political Science 101, Communism can only survive successfully through expansion. They may have adopted their own rendition of capitalism in order to compete globally, but it doesn't change the fact that they are 100% Communist and their intentions are very simple... to expand and dominate.

"C'mon silly yankees, you know you love us. We're your friends! We Love Pokemon, Levis, and use Microsoft Products. Please ignore our 2,000,000+ uniformed soldiers, rapidly expanding Naval and Air Forces, and multi-billion dollar defence acquisitions... they're simply for revolutionary war reenactment purposes. Oh, and those aren't Gulags, those are schools for dissidents and bloggers who need 'retraining'."

posted by El Capitan at 12:02 PM 1 comments

Best Costume Ever...

A friend sent this to me. I can't believe I didn't think of this a few years ago. Probably because my usual Halloween dates wouldn't have liked the attention. This guy should rush out and get a patent ASAP.

I had something similar in mind, but Apu at the Quiki-Mart wouldn't lend me the slurpee machine.

posted by El Capitan at 7:04 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Dave Gets A Silver Star!

In response to my previous post asking why Air Force Officers shun wearing their ribbons, the all-knowing Dave at Garfield Ridge provided a very accurate answer. (Must have had help from the 'Shiny Big Bird-wearing' folks in his office) Dave will now be put in for the Air Force Silver Star, and upon receipt he can hang it next to his old TGI-Friday's vest loaded with 'Flair Pins'. ArmyNurseBoy gets the Air Force Bronze Star for his comments, though he'll probably just use it to pull the rocks and gum from his boots.

Dave's Response:
"IMHO, the reason why Air Force officers don't wear ribbons and awards on their shirts is probably pretty simple: insecurity.

Unlike the other services, the Air Force is overwhelmingly staffed with desk jockeys-- they don't call it the "Chair Force" for nothing. For every officer pilot or aircrew you meet, you're liable to run into many more officers who only get close to planes while flying TDY.

Now, in the infinitely correct wisdom of Big Blue, each of these officers-- whether they fly satellites at a terminal, supervise an engine depot, or push paper in a budget shop-- they all deserve recognition. After all, the pilots may fly the planes, but the rest of the service makes the planes fly. It's a team, right?

Unfortunately, Captain Bob and Major Jane back in CONUS don't get campaign ribbons for flying shit-hots over the sandpit. Instead, they stock up on candy like commendations and the Meritorious Service Medal.

Now, most of these are well-deserved, and quite often, they don't come close to measuring the true worth of the recipient's accomplishments. Unfortunately, however, all too often awards like this are "perfect attendance" awards-- handed out at the end of a tour merely for showing up at your job. Hell, I've even seen people pick up oak leaf clusters for planning stuff like Christmas parties and General Officer retirement ceremonies.

So, back to the insecurity: if you're an Air Force officer who's never set foot inside a combat plane, let alone inside a combat zone, would you want to telegraph that fact by displaying a chestful of bogus salad, replete with ribbons for "Shorthand" and "Best Posture"? No, of course not.

Not wearing the ribbons and awards may be a way for the rest of the Air Force to keep the pilots and aircrews from showing off any more than their wings already do. If no one is allowed to show off, ergo, no one feels excluded from the team.

Then again, this is just a theory on my part-- I'm just an idiot civilian observer of Pentagon life. But I work with some pilots, and in whispers this morning, my theory sounds as good as any to them."

posted by El Capitan at 5:22 PM 2 comments

Earth To Madonna

Madonna to Vogue, "I was very selfish."

Earth to Madonna, "You still are."
Example 1
Example 2
Example 3
Example 4
Example 5

posted by El Capitan at 5:02 PM 1 comments

Due To Overwhelming Requests, Here It Is...

The Shnoz

Here are two great examples of what my nose looks like after the incident this weekend.

posted by El Capitan at 7:21 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 18, 2005
Air Force Officers Should Not Be Above Showing Pride

There is an unwritten rule in the Air Force that states Officers do not wear their ribbons or awards on their uniform. You can only wear them on your service coat when you’re at an official awards function or the extremely rare formal event, but you leave them off for all other occasions. My question is… if Enlisted personnel wear their ribbons proudly with every uniform configuration, why can’t us Officers?

The Navy, Marines, and Army Officers all seem to wear their ribbons proudly, but most Air Force Officers seem to think that they’re above wearing their ribbons. Why is this?

I’ve been wearing a more ‘snazzy’ uniform configuration lately because I’m interviewing with various offices for a new job assignment on base, and I’ve made it a point to wear my ribbons on these days. There are a few folks in my office that seem to be sneering at the fact that I’m wearing them, and their faces don’t hide their feelings on the issue when I pass them by or chat with them.

It’s getting to the point where I want to wear them every day just to see how many folks I can piss off. I’m hoping someone finally breaks down and confronts me on the issue so I can shoot right back and ask them why I shouldn’t wear them.

My argument for wearing them is:
1) There’s no written rule against Officers wearing what they’ve earned.
2) Why is it that only Air Force Officers shun wearing them.
3) Why is that only Enlisted personnel can feel pride in what they’ve accomplished, whereas Officers are supposed to hide it.

Not sure where to go with all of this other than to say it’s a moronic ‘unwritten’ rule amongst us Officers. We should be proud about what we’ve accomplished, and we should wear that pride on our uniform.

posted by El Capitan at 5:05 PM 6 comments

World Series of Poker Winner... An Aussie?

With the US to AUS conversion rate, he's Freak'n Bill Gates!

Yes I am a red, white and blue blooded American.... and yes, my love for the Aussies is strong, but WTF, an Australian won the World Series of Poker for 2005?

How could that be? Aussies have never been good at poker. Trust me, I've played enough of them out in Brisbane to know. This settles it... I'm going to enter the World Series of Poker Tournament next year and take back the title for the U.S.

The Australians need to stick to their blonde bombshell women, pristine beaches and cities, great singers, Gladiator movies and Kangaroo steaks, and leave the greedy capitalistic gambling to us Yanks!

See you all next year... I'm off to reclaim the title in Vegas Baby! Of course there's always the $10,000 entry fee to play in the WSOP. I wonder if the Air Force would sponsor me?

posted by El Capitan at 5:02 PM 2 comments

My Marsha Brady Moment

Oh My Nose!

Yes, I found myself shouting that very phrase on Saturday. A few years ago I had a rather large dog smash into me while playing fetch, breaking my nose. This required extensive surgery to fix and straighten the ol' Shnoz. Saturday my youngest daughter Trevi decided to jump off a bed at ramming speed and hit my nose with her head. It's like I had a bullseye painted on the middle of my face. She couldn't have aimed better if she tried.

I caught my daughter in mid air as she bounced off my head, and then I grabed my nose and did my best Marsha Brady impression. Like before, it's not swollen, but it does resemble a lightening bolt. Now I have to look forward to yet another painful recovery IF there is anything the docs can do. Who knows, they just may say 'screw it' and leave me with the lightening bolt.

Of course Trevi felt bad and kissed the boo boo, telling me it was all better. She then proceeded to try the same stunt. Heck, she might as well just hit me with a frying pan and finish my nose off.

posted by El Capitan at 7:50 AM 1 comments

Famine & Pestilence... Payback's a Bee-yitch

France faces drought, locusts

You know you've really pissed off the wrong dude when stuff like this hits the fan.

posted by El Capitan at 7:31 AM 0 comments

This Must Be A Bad Joke

Bulloks!
I just don't see it. These two getting married is just like one of those Conan O'brian parodies where he photoshops famous people together to show what their freak children would look like. Don't get me wrong, I like them both... but this is just odd.

posted by El Capitan at 7:26 AM 0 comments

Friday, July 15, 2005
Please Help Michael Yon

Michelle Malkin has posted a request for assistance. Michael Yon, the inbed journalist and former special forces soldier, needs a new camera. If you haven't read Yon's work, you're missing out on one of the best sources of information out there. Not only are his words vital, his photos have changed many's views on this war. His most famous picture is here, and it still gets to me every time I see it. Some other good ones are here, here, here and here.

His digital camera is on its last leg. If you've enjoyed his work over the last few months, please help him out. After all, he's out there on his own time and his own dollar. I've personally never donated money to something like this, but I value the information he's provided way too much to let this opportunity to help pass me by. He's got mine , and I hope you can throw a few his way as well.

Thanks,
El Capitan

posted by El Capitan at 5:10 PM 1 comments

Australia's Brass 'Cajones'

Thanks to Black Five for the interview link :

One of the best Prime Ministers ever to lead Australia is John Howard. I flew directly to Australia when my deployment ended in Iraq, and I happened to be in Brisbane by chance during their national election. Of course I was surrounded by anti-war and anti-Howard posters and protesters, yet Howard's 2004 victory was as huge and sweeping as the Republican victory in 2002. John Howard and his party won because of statements and policies like this:

"...MAXINE McKEW: Prime Minister, if as you say you can't rule out that possibility that we could have potential bombers right here in Australia, what if today's announcement, this redeployment to Afghanistan and our continued presence in Iraq is all the provocation they need?

JOHN HOWARD: Maxine, these people are opposed to what we believe in and what we stand for, far more than what we do. If you imagine that you can buy immunity from fanatics by curling yourself in a ball, apologising for the world - to the world - for who you are and what you stand for and what you believe in, not only is that morally bankrupt, but it's also ineffective. Because fanatics despise a lot of things and the things they despise most is weakness and timidity. There has been plenty of evidence through history that fanatics attack weakness and retreating people even more savagely than they do defiant people.

MAXINE McKEW: But this must be a factor in your thinking. I mean, you make a decision - or Cabinet made yesterday a decision - to go ahead and put extra troops into Afghanistan. And as compelling a moral and strategic reasons as there are for that decision, there could be some people out there who seek to do us harm, who will see this as just the excuse they need. That must weigh in your decision, so you're saying basically that's a risk we have to take?

JOHN HOWARD: Well, Maxine, you cannot conduct the foreign policy of a country as if it were shadow-boxing with fanatics. You just can't do that. You have to take decisions that you believe are in your country's best interests, and I believe very strongly it's in this country's best interests in 2005 to do the things we are doing in cooperation with our allies and our friends. I cannot look you in the face or the Australian public in the face and say, "This country is guaranteed immunity from a terrorist attack." I hope and pray it never happens, but it's a possibility. We have to understand that that is the world we're living in, and it's fair to say that the people who died on the London Underground, they were certainly not all white Anglo-Celtic Christians, they were a combination of people of different races and of different religions and it just undermines the fact that murderous fanatics are the enemies of us all, not just the enemies of a stereotypical idea of what a Westerner represents."

Yes, the Aussies have the biggest brass ‘cajones’ in the Southern Hemisphere. Thank God they’re on our side.

posted by El Capitan at 7:57 AM 0 comments

This Is Not The Headline To Wake Up To

CHINA 'READY TO USE N-WEAPONS AGAINST USA'...

"China is prepared to use nuclear weapons against the US if it is attacked by Washington during a confrontation over Taiwan, a Chinese general said on Thursday."

Once again, to quote R.A.T.M....

Wake Up!!!!!!!

posted by El Capitan at 7:44 AM 0 comments

Thursday, July 14, 2005
4 Down, 1 To Go....

I wonder how fast this man can run?

Not fast enough.

Get the Bastard!

posted by El Capitan at 7:50 AM 0 comments

Who Could Resist?

I sure do miss Janet Reno

posted by El Capitan at 7:43 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Words I Need To Read Every Day

Came across the Steve Jobs commencement speech via ROFASix. I needed this one.

(about being fired from Apple) "...I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

posted by El Capitan at 5:30 PM 1 comments

Air Force Instructions on Handling the Media

I came across this in our AFMAN 10-100, AKA the Airman’s Manual. In the real day to day military world it's very comical to read, but then again so are the procedures on surviving nuclear attacks. The amazing thing is that the ‘Handling the News Media’ portion is on page 15 of a 230+ page document. It makes me wonder who is the more important or effective force we face on a daily basis.

Examples-
The Interviewer and Audience:
Learn as much as you can about your interviewer and the intended audience.
Tailor your message accordingly.

The Record:
Always consider yourself ‘on the record.’ Never say anything you wouldn’t want printed or broadcasted.

Language:
Speak the public’s language. Avoid acronyms, jargon, or technical terms.

Arguments:
Never become a passive participant, and never argue with a reporter. Stay calm and stick to your talking points and your message.

Protect the Record:
Be sure to protect and, if necessary, correct the record.
Avoid repeating any false data or negative statements.

Honesty:
Always answer honestly.
Don’t use the cliché ‘no comment.’
If you don’t know the answer to a question, tell them.
If the answer is classified, say so.

posted by El Capitan at 7:44 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Where The Hell Was I?

I hope it wasn't a religious song.

Mariah Carey's Clothes Fall Off. Just my luck, I must have been watching my 10,000th episode of Barney at the time. Blasted purple dinosaur!

posted by El Capitan at 5:20 PM 0 comments

Fantastic 4 Movie Review

Save your money and go rent two movies:

1) Mad Max 2
2) Slap Shot

Two entirely different movies, but I caught each of them on TV early in the morning and I was much more entertained. If you've seen the previews to Fantastic 4, you've seen the movie.

On my 'Movies are like liquor' rating scale, I give Fantastic 4 just 1 bottle of warm St. Paulie non-alcoholic beer. Good if you're desperate, but not worth it in the end.

posted by El Capitan at 5:03 PM 0 comments

Today's Friend In Low Places... Denmark

I guess the U.S. should take what it can get.

(BBC) "A Danish pizzeria owner has gone to jail for refusing to pay a fine imposed after he barred German and French customers from his restaurant. Aage Bjerre acted in protest against the French and German governments' opposition to the US-led war in Iraq."

I wonder what a jail in Denmark is like? Can't be as bad as that Turkish prison I was in a few years ago.

posted by El Capitan at 7:37 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 11, 2005
Today Is Garfield Ridge Link Day!

Go you fool... Go! You know you want to!

I here that every 100th visitor gets a coupon for a 'special' dance from this girl at the Cheetah Club.

posted by El Capitan at 7:21 PM 0 comments

Kyrgyzstan's New Plight... Russia and China

It seems that yesterday's democratic elections in Kyrgyzstan were a success for acting Kyrgyz leader Kurmanbek Bakiev, scoring a landslide victory in the poll, winning 89% of the votes. The Kyrgyz people have rightfully earned this opportunity, risking everything to get to this point. I congratulate them on their successes.

On the surface, this election and it's outcome seem fine, but Bakiev's very first news conference as the elected President was very troubling. Instead of praising his people, the international election observers, and his nation, Bakiev immediately questioned the need for the U.S. air base in his country.

Manas, or 'Ganci' Air Base as we called it when I was deployed there, is located outside of the capital city of Bishkek. This base is a supply and refueling point for U.S. air and land forces further south in Afghanistan. Whereas it is not totally vital to the ongoing operations down south, the fact that we have any foothold in this region, small as it may be, is extremely important for the Global War on Terror. Our very presence earlier this year helped to add confidence to the citizens eager to remove their corrupt government. They overthrew former President Akayev because the U.S. gave them the examples of Iraq, Afghanistan, Ukraine, Lebanon, and many others that showed them we would stand by their attempts at creating a fair democracy in their country.

Now that they've taken their first few steps down the road to real democratic representation, economic opportunity, and equality, Bakiev wants to remove the U.S. presence that helped him get to where he is. His comments illustrate his misunderstanding of the reality his nation faces. He is towing the line of Russia and China who are admittedly against any U.S. influence in the region. As the BBC noted, "Mr Bakiev's comments echoed a recent call by the Central Asian grouping known as the Shanghai Co-operation Organization (SCO), which said the US should set a date for the withdrawal of its bases in both Kyrgyzstan and neighboring Uzbekistan." The SCO was organized, funded, and powered by China. Russia, also weary of our troops near Bishkek set up Kant, their first post-Soviet 'overseas' air base, just miles from the U.S. base. Bakiev obviously feels that his allegiance is with Russia and China, and after yesterday's election he now has the legal ability to do their bidding.

The United States has been on a roll in terms of spreading the Bush Administration's revolutionary concept of spreading Democracy to help combat terrorism, and losing a foothold in Kyrgyzstan would be a small yet important setback for that cause. If Afghanistan continues down its current path, it will be a glowing success for the West and a vital port that will help us export our influence into the region. If China and Russia monopolize on Kyrgyzstan, then our influence will stop at Afghanistan's northern borders. Tajikistan and Uzbekistan are currently too far into China and Russia's sphere of influence to change any time soon, which makes Kyrgyzstan all the more important to our efforts.

Kyrgyzstan represents a major trade route for legal and illegal goods, and is an equal to Afghanistan's importance in the Global War on Terror. We need to start making counter-offers to Russia and China's handouts, and we need to rapidly rebuild the Kyrgyz infrastructure that hasn't changed much after the fall of the Soviet Union. If we can turn the tide of influence in Kyrgyzstan, then Afghanistan will have a solid partner in its path to modernization and stability. It will also help us continue our successful fight to eradicate the roots of terrorism throughout Central Asia... poverty, oppression, and instability.

Don't let China and Russia swallow Kyrgyzstan. It's people deserve better.

posted by El Capitan at 2:50 PM 11 comments

Friday, July 08, 2005
Going Into The Weekend

I followed through with my 'Have a Drink For London' promise, enjoying a rather large Beefeater Gin and Tonic at the restaurant last night. It kicked the pants off the club salad I had. I made sure to give the proper toasts to our brothers and sisters on the front lines in Iraq, Afghanistan, New York, D.C., and London.

If you want some music, click here for a good American tune 'remade' by the British troops down in Basra. The guys dancing in their whitey-tighties with AKs over their heads are priceless.

Ace of Spades has an outstanding parody of the latest James Bond script, which is very appropriate in showing the two distinct sides of the War on Terror.

Englishman's Castle has some great commentary about 7/7 as well. A good read.

Can anyone help Ma Deuce out with his Thermodynamics question? I could never figure the same situation out when I faced it in Iraq.

Not sure where GR got this from, but it's appropriate for the U.S. and England right about now.

A great video link of Tony Blair in one of his initial reactions to yesterday's attacks. It's moments like this when you truly respect this man's leadership abilities.

I couldn't agree more with Little Miss Attila's post, although more cussing would have been appropriate.

I think My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy tracked down just the right words I was looking for.

Last but not least, don't forget to thank God for giving us this document. It may not be perfect, but it's still the best.

posted by El Capitan at 2:37 PM 0 comments

From The 'Dude, WTF?' Files...

450 Sheep Jump to Their Deaths in Turkey

What can I say? Yes, I really feel for the families who lost their sheep, but there's that twisted side of me that can't help but ROFLMAO. 'It's raining sheep, hallelujah it's raining sheep...'

Instead of 'The Sh@t hitting the fan', it's now 'The Sheep hitting the land'.

This reminds me of Weird Al Yankovich's classic movie, UHF, when Raul is in high-rise apartment building filming his TV Show... 'Raul's Animal Kingdom', and he says "For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly." He then proceeds to throw poodles out the window one at a time. The camera pans out and you see a pile of poodles at the bottom of the building. Priceless....

His next episode followed with, "Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup. [licks the bottom of a turtle, throws it towards the ceiling]

Yes, I can hear eternal damnation calling my name.

Now say this three times with a straight face... "Those poor poor sheep".

C'mon, lighten up. It's Friday!

posted by El Capitan at 2:30 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 07, 2005
A Drink for London

Just spreading the word via GR and Ace.

"First proposed on Ace of Spades, hopefully launching a worldwide jag of epic proportions: Drinking for London! Buy your favorite Brit-brewed or -distilled tipple and post a photo. Also a nice kick in the crotch to fundamentalist terrorists, and you participate by drinking!"

I'm all over this one, and I hope you can help to spread the word.

We've got a lot of toasting to do tonight.

posted by El Capitan at 2:46 PM 2 comments

posted by El Capitan at 8:55 AM 0 comments

posted by El Capitan at 8:53 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 06, 2005
God Speed Admiral James Stockdale

(Thanks to Neil Boortz for sharing this news with the rest of us. I've heard nothing mentioned about it in the press. I guess Brad and Angela are just too important)

"Most people will remember James Stockdale as Ross Perot's running mate in 1992 when he famously said at one of the debates "Who am I? Why am I here?"

Stockdale passed away yesterday at the age of 81. But Stockdale should be remembered for much more, including his heroism during the Vietnam War. After being shot down in Vietnam, he spent 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton, four of which were spent in solitary confinement and another two in leg irons. He had become a leader of the other POW's there and the North Vietnamese didn't like this too much. They tortured him repeatedly. His back was broken. His shoulders were twisted out of their sockets. To avoid appearing in a propaganda film, he mutilated himself with a wooden stool. To protest harsh treatment of prisoners, he broke out a window and slashed his wrists.

He was awarded the Medal of Honor in 1976."

Admiral Stockdale personified what a real American is made of, and will forever be admired by this mid-level Air Force geek.

Rest in Peace Sir.

posted by El Capitan at 7:10 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 04, 2005
Happy 229 Years!

Just a quick Cheers in between grilling. Came across this link from Arthur Chrenkoff, and I think it truly was a great thing for the Brits down in Basra to put together to mark our independence from them.

Of course it really wasn't why they did it, but the video is sure damn funny, so please watch it if you can. My favorite part is the final parade of freaks at the end.

posted by El Capitan at 8:30 PM 1 comments