Dude, where's the beach?

Thursday, September 29, 2005
The V-22 Osprey: A Blessing or a Curse?

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon on Wednesday gave the go-ahead to begin full-rate production of the V-22 Osprey, the hybrid helicopter-airplane that the Marine Corps considers vital to the future of its air fleet. (Fox)

The concept of the V-22 Osprey is amazing. The technology is state of the art. The mission it will accomplish is vital. So why the concern? This new weapons system is so complex it's almost too fragile to be used in the harsh and unforgiving world of military operations. Certainly it's been tested and retested, but none of those tests involved small arms damage to the critical fiber optic cables that run throughout the aircraft. The tests didn't involve extreme last-minute evasive maneuvers pilots make when an RPG or shoulder-launched missile is launched at them from a rooftop in Baghdad. Generally speaking, this aircraft has yet to prove that it has what it takes to survive in today's operational environment.

The Marine Corps is ordering a few hundred of these aircraft, and is quickly reshaping their insertion and extraction doctrines around the capabilities they're hoping it has. The Air Force is ordering 50, and the Navy is getting just under 40 of them. We of course have confidence that the DoD leaders and Generals who have approved the Osprey know what they're doing, but we would be lying if we said we weren't uneasy about it. After all, who's going to be most affected by it; the GS-15s who signed the contracts or the Airmen and Marines who must fly it into combat and depend on it for survival on a daily basis.

The big picture discussion regarding the Osprey and other 'High-Tech' weapons is the balance between numbers and capabilities. Is it better to spend 50 billion dollars to buy a limited number of 'fragile' aircraft, or should we spend the same amount to purchase and upgrade many more of the combat proven systems we currently use? In other words, buy 400 Osprey vs. 1000 Chinooks or Blackhawks. Once again, that's where confidence in the leadership kicks in. One would hope that the leadership is knowledgeable that the one of a kind capabilities of the Osprey out-perform the existing capabilities of our current systems, making them obsolete.

Is this post simply an opinion? Yes. Am I concerned? You bet your ass I am. When nearly 2 dozen fellow service members have died in Osprey crashes so far, it's easy to see why many people are concerned. We need to have confidence in our weapons. We need to make sure minor 'software glitches' such as this never happens during combat.

A lot of us will feel more confident about the Osprey once it has proven itself worthy. Until then, expect to see a lot of the Osprey pilots and passengers crossing fingers and praying more than usual as they board the aircraft.

posted by El Capitan at 11:37 AM 6 comments

Santa Cruz, California

I know I've mentioned this before, but I was lucky enough to have grown up in Santa Cruz, California, one of the most diverse cities in the United States. It’s also the surf and skate capital of the West Coast. I still think about the place every day, and it's hard not to. I miss the small town atmosphere, the beach front cafes, the Redwood forests, and arguably some of the best surfing locations along the Pacific.

My addiction to Santa Cruz is the reason for the title of this blog, ‘Dude Where’s The Beach?’ Ever since leaving home for college and the military I’ve suffered from severe beach withdrawal, or ‘Post Beach Withdrawal Syndrome' (PBWS). Yes I miss the waves and the mountains, but the most important reason for my PBWS is the fact that my roots are forever in that town. No, not my family roots. I guess it’s more like my homeland. I learned most of what I know from that place. Funny thing is that I’ve also pissed a lot of people off out there, which means if I do ever go back I’ve got a lot of ‘splaining to do. Rightfully so of course. I was never one to purposely hurt anyone or piss them off, but I certainly had a knack for doing it and I still regret it. That's another story for another time.

For a while now I’ve noticed via the trackers I’ve installed on this blog that someone from Santa Cruz is frequenting this site. I’m really curious as to who it is and if I might know them. If you choose to remain silent that’s cool and I totally understand, but I’d really like to know if it's possible. Email me at tmmkkt22@yahoo.com. If anything, I’d really like to get an update on Santa Cruz and how the Central Coast is doing. As I said, if you don’t contact me it’s all good. I’m just glad you’re stopping by to listen to me whine about living away from the beach. Whoever you are, you’re a lucky bastard. Don’t ever move.

posted by El Capitan at 7:12 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
God Bless The United States Air Force

(The Official 'El Capitan' Flight Crew and Bodyguard Contingent)

SOUTHWEST ASIA, Sept. 27, 2005 - A crew of six Airmen at a forward deployed location climbed aboard a C-130 Hercules together recently for the first time in their careers. But something distinguished this mission from others they had flown - it was the first time an all female C-130 crew flew a combat mission.

(H/T Mauser*Girl via Blackfive)

posted by El Capitan at 6:42 PM 1 comments

Must.Resist.Dreaded.Cuteness.Powers!

This is my little Mini-Me, otherwise known as El Cap's Kryptonite. I have to admit that my powers are useless when it comes to the little one. She's got me wrapped around her finger and is insanely more intelligent then I could ever hope to be, which means I'm doomed. My only hope is to help her become a golf or tennis pro. Of course that's after she becomes a nun, finishes medical and law school, and becomes President of the United States.

Can't wait for that Mad Nike Sponsorship Money to roll in.

posted by El Capitan at 1:42 PM 3 comments

Another Victim of Katrina

I was watching the History Channel this morning while I was getting ready for work and they had a show on about D-Day. The episode mentioned the National D-Day Museum as the keeper of a majority of D-Day artifacts in the United States. The museum is in New Orleans.

I checked the website for any information on the condition of the building and artifacts. The Chairman of the museum posted a letter.

"The very essence of our educational mission always has been to convey hope and human resolve. Today those values remain vital. ...We are relieved to report that the losses to our facility and collections were limited, but the restoration will require much work."

Although he didn't specify what was damaged or how much of the museum's collection was lost or damaged, he did sound optimistic. That's usually a good sign. Most museums would be pleading for help and resources if they had been damaged, but as the letter stated, their mission has always been to convey hope and human resolve. I don't think they'll be taking advantage of the situation any time soon.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out if they ever do decide to ask for help. You can imagine how important their mission to preserve our heritadge is.

posted by El Capitan at 8:41 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Happy 31st Birthday to Dave at Garfield Ridge

If Colby Buzzell's My War provided the inspiration I needed for starting a blog, then Dave at Garfield Ridge has been my tailhook, a safety harness, or that woman in comfortable shoes that Robin Williams mentions in Good Morning Vietnam, shouting 'Don't Go There!' He's provided a great example of intelligent vs. emotional opinion writing.

So go over and wish Dave a happy 31st. He's compiled a very compelling list of things he'd like to accomplish before he goes teets up. I concur with several, but I shall remain silent on which ones I plan on fulfilling before I become worm food.

posted by El Capitan at 2:23 PM 0 comments

University Professor and Gun Expert

UNC Professor and political columnist Mike Adams' latest article is a response to a student asking him for advice on buying his first firearm. His response is sweet. Had I asked one of my undergrad babysitters this question when I was a young lad in the University of California school district, I would have been reprimanded and subjected to intensive counseling, anger management, and diversity training.

The best line from Adam's article is:
"Ruger Super Redhawk .454 Casull. I have no business recommending this gun to you, Matt. Nonetheless, buy it anyway."

Coolest Professor Ever.

posted by El Capitan at 9:18 AM 1 comments

When You've Gotta Go...

Ma Deuce Gunner, the coolest cat up in Kirkuk Iraq, had some buddies make a training video on conducting a raid on a small building. A very small building. Don't miss it.

And I thought only women went to the bathroom in groups.

posted by El Capitan at 8:09 AM 0 comments

Monday, September 26, 2005
I.Just.Couldn't.Resist.

(H/T Lucianne.Com)

1. Stuck on Stupid
2. Cindy misunderstands the Reverend’s ‘Climb the Mountaintop’ sermon.
3. “Ebony and Ivory… We’re together in perfect harmony…”
4. Wookin Pa Nub In Awe Da Wong Paces, Wookin Pa Nub…(SNL)
5. Jesse Jackson markets the new ‘Camp Casey’ Backpack at the march.
6. “You see my bruthas… the white devil continues to hang on our backs, holding us down.”
7. Our next exhibit at D.C. Freak Show is titled ‘Clash of the Moonbats.’
8. Jesse quickly realizes that Mrs. Sheehan is actually a very ‘randy’ Mr. Sheehan.
9. Whispering, Cindy asks Jesse if he wants to pitch a tent in her compound.
10. Ew…gross.

1. Officer Jones' hand was trapped in the depths of Sheehan’s…err… sorrow.
2. ‘I’m gonna need some antibiotics guys… her leg hairs have pierced my glove.
3. Cindy opens her legs to reveal her ‘Weapon of Mass Destruction,’ and both Officers are quickly overcome by the putrid stench.
4. The thought of leather gloves and handcuffs brought a smile to Cindy’s face.
5. Next stop, Abu Grahb.

posted by El Capitan at 2:54 PM 4 comments

Those Wacky BBC Headline Writers

IRA 'has destroyed all its arms'

I know this is a very important achievement for those Guinness and Bass Ale drinkers, and I would really like to congratulate them on this monumental success. I only have one question…

What will become of all the armless IRA members?

Sad realization… but I guess now’s a good time to buy stock in the Prosthetics Industry.

posted by El Capitan at 10:55 AM 0 comments

Freak'n Blogspot! Kiss My Arse-Holio!!!!

Time was very limited today so I had just a few minutes to post something worthy of this prestigious blog, and what happens??? Blogspot freak'n erases my post during the publishing process. In the famous words of Clark Griswold, during the best. rant. ever:

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like the Blogspot.Com code writers right here tonight. I want those google geeks brought from their happy little San Francisco perch where all the other Google Nitwits live and I want them brought right here, with a big ribbon on their heads, and I want to look them straight in the eye and I want to tell them what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit they are! Hallelujah!"

Back to reality. I actually wrote a great post complimenting a bunch of blogs and the talent of their authors, but my wonderful moment in groveling and brown-nosing was lost at the hands of blogspot's piss-poor posting process to properly post posts, Suffering Suckatash!.

I'll have to redo my shout-out list some other time. Until then,

Happy Freak'n Monday!

posted by El Capitan at 10:28 AM 1 comments

Friday, September 23, 2005
Righteous Dude. Freak'n Righteous.

Surfer Arrested Off Shore Of Galveston As Rita Approaches

Surfer Dude!
The fuzz should have left you alone so you could have gone all 'Keanu Reeves' on the Rita waves. You would have gone down in annals of surfdom as the most insane, most agro 'Surf-Helg' in the great State of Texas.

Of course you would have busted your noggin off on a Micky-D's sign as you rode the ultimate wave across the city, but hell… you could have been more famous than that So-Crates geezer and the Billy the Kid Dude.

Rock On Brother! Rock. On.

posted by El Capitan at 1:50 PM 5 comments

Thursday, September 22, 2005
Why In The Hell Did I Study History In College...

... when there were so many cooler things I could have been doing? I could have been a contender. I could have been somebody. If not, I could have at least been an Engineering student so I could have built a Robotic Sentry Turret like this guy did. Even better, he only had one little brother to use for target practice/testing. I had four of ‘em I could have used to perfect the targeting system on!

What was I thinking? Look at all the fun I missed out on.

(H/T Blackfive)

posted by El Capitan at 4:08 PM 0 comments

Barbie's Gone Jihad?

I thought Barbie was supposed to be this head-strong, educated, progressive type of woman who was independent and took charge of her life.

Not this...

I'd hate to see what the 'Bratz' dolls look like out there.

(H/T Drudge via NYT)

posted by El Capitan at 3:46 PM 2 comments

Mauser Girl Kicks Ass

-She has a great blog that should be staple in every blogger's daily reading.
-She thinks that Lederhosens and an Uzi go together, and is a WWII re-enactor.
-She comes up with pictures like this (in her latest post, Perceptions), which absolutely hit the nail on the head when it comes to illustrating how Journalists, Terrorists, and American Soldiers see things differently.

She's a Super Genius I tell ya!

posted by El Capitan at 12:27 PM 1 comments

Lethal Hamsters... Cool!

I'm trying this out with my kid's hamsters when I get home tonight.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

(Click on Picture to Enlarge)

(H/T NB via JWZ)

posted by El Capitan at 11:13 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
My Fellow Alyeskans... It's Miller Time!

Yes, I am in fact an Alyeska resident... still. If you ever get stationed up there you'd be a moron not to become one. The first reason is because it's easier to live up there and deal with government issues as a citizen. Second reason... Free Money Baby!

No, not welfare. No... not government subsistence. Oil revenues. The state of Alyeska invests the money it makes off of its sale of oil. A percentage of the annual investment profit is divided equally among all Alyeska citizens. This little scheme is called the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend. This year's money breakdown can be found here.

The amount of money shared isn't really that large, but it is kind of rare for a state government to share with its citizenry the profits made from the state's natural resources. After all, the citizens own the state... not the government.

So as I was saying to my fellow Alyeskan's... It's Miller Time Baby!

To my non-Alyeskan brethren... the great State of Alaska is not really called Alaska. Its original native name was 'Alyeska' until the evil white man came with their snow boards and evil TGI Friday restaurants and declared the new name as 'Alaska', mainly because they couldn't spell Alyeska. Don't you remember the little ditty... "You say Alaska, I say Alyeska."

Oh, and the 3rd reason for being an Alyeskan resident... besides the prestine beauty and great wildlife... is the fact that we get to say 'Wanna see the biggest State in the Union' as a pick-up line.

posted by El Capitan at 2:25 PM 2 comments

George W. Bush Hates Martians

Both him and Haliburton are obviously conspiring to destroy the Martian environment. At least that's what the folks at the Democratic Underground will start saying once they read this press release.

Scientists Warn of Climate Changes On Mars!

Must of been those two SUV rovers they sent over a couple of years ago.

I had my suspicions about G Dub being 'Martian-phobic'. I guess now is the wrong time to come out of the cosmic closet... not that anything is wrong with being 'Martian.'

posted by El Capitan at 1:17 PM 0 comments

Irony Is Once Again a Sexy 'Female Dog' to Europe

The European Union's Constitution is now on the rocks for the next few years.

Iraq will have a Constitutional Referendum on October 15th of this year.

Tragic news, and it maybe selfish of me for thinking this, but it is admittedly refreshing to see Germany and France get B'slapped up side the noggin with the relentlessly unforgiving backhand of irony every now and then.

Sadly, this is the one event that won't be credited to George Bush.

posted by El Capitan at 9:53 AM 1 comments

Newest Picture On My Office Wall

“You are stuck on stupid, I’m not going to answer that question”
- - General Honore to reporter.

(HT Ace of Spades)

posted by El Capitan at 9:50 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Random Link to History

Odd story, but I actually dated the daughter of one of the Air Force engineers who came up with the idea of an airborne gunship. He helped design and build the first AC-47 Spooky gunship.

Although the history books show that Lt. Edwin Sasaki and his predecessor were working on an already established program to develop the gunship, that’s not totally correct on how it really came about. Yes, there was some precedent involved, but they really pushed the final engineered product on their own, and he personally briefed General LeMay… selling the final concept to him in less than 3 minutes. Sasaki taught me that it should only take 3 minutes to sell something to a General Officer.

Of course I followed with a joke to his daughter about taking longer than 3 minutes. Not a smooth thing to say in front of the pops, but he still liked me.

Yes, random thought, but it’s nice to reflect on random stuff from my past every now and then.

posted by El Capitan at 7:22 AM 1 comments

Monday, September 19, 2005
National 'Talk Like A Pirate Day'

Thank you Dave for being single and having much more time than I do to find important stuff like this. Today is 'Talk Like A Pirate Day'. Make sure you walk around and talk like a Pirate. You know you want to, and now's your chance.

Arrrrgh! Funny thing is that before I entered the realm of fatherhood, my idea of a pirate was something cool like this.

Don't hate the Player, hate the game 'me hardy!'

Now that I'm a Big Papa, the new image of a pirate that is engraved into my skull is this dude.

Arrrgh! What shall it be, the thumb or the feather!

Not nearly as cool as Johnny Depp's version of a pirate. Captain Feathersword from 'The Wiggles' certainly has some cool dance moves, but he's no ladies man.

Last but not least, here's what happens when a pirate leaves the 'dark side' and turns to the force, leaving behind the sins of the world.

Jake and Elwood's worst nightmare.

posted by El Capitan at 9:34 AM 1 comments

God Bless Oktoberfest!

Why yes, these mugs are real.

Yes yes, I know you're thinking that I'm being a typical male and thinking of just one thing, but you're wrong. Oktoberfest is one of my favorite events of the year, and one that I've neglected ever since I tied the knot and took on my little brood of kidlings. This year is different. This year I'm hitting the tents!

I can't remember a bad Oktoberfest event that I've ever attended. It's a simple thing for simple people like myself. Take some large tents or an old wooden tavern, fill it with German music, German beer, Beer Wenches and Braughts, and you have yourself a great time. Believe it or not the best people to hang out with during these things are are the old ones, otherwise known as the 'Seasoned Citizens.' Seriously, I've seen old dudes do some crazy stuff at these events, and they're much more interesting than watching a bunch of '20 somethings' do a beer bong and slam their heads on tables while vomiting.

So, enough with the small talk. It's drinking time! Grab your woman (or beer wench), grab your beer, and start singing along. Of course this is the only drinking song I can ever remember, and it's quite offensive to the Army, Marines, Navy, as well as to my peeps from San Francisco, but hey... shut up, drink up, and enjoy!

It's Oktoberfest Time Baby!!!

Beer beer beer beer!
Beer beer beer beer!
Drunk last night!
Drunk the night before!
Gonna get drunk tonight,
Like I've never been drunk before!
Cause when I'm drunk I'm as happy as can be!
We're all a part of the Air Force family.
The Air Force family is the best family
That ever came over from old Germany
There's the Highland Air Force
And the Lowland Air Force,
The Amsterdam Air Force
And the other Damn Air Force,
Singing glorious, victorious, Hey!
One keg of beer for the four of us
Singing glory be to God
That there are no more of us
Cause one of us can drink it all alone.

Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Navy!
(In the Navy)
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Navy!
(In the Navy)
Cause they're all on ships and boats
Making love to sheep and goats,
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Navy!
(In the Navy)

Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Army!
(In the Army)
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Army!
(In the Army)
Cause they're all a bunch of queers,
Sanitation Engineers
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Army!
(In the Army)

Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Marine Corps!
(In the Marine Corps)
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Marine Corps!
(In the Marine Corps)
Cause they're all on foreign shores
Making mothers out of whores
Oh there are no fighter pilots in the Marine Corps!
(In the Marine Corps)

Singing glorious, victorious, Hey!
One keg of beer for the four of us
Singing glory be to God
That there are no more of us
Cause one of us can drink it all alone.

posted by El Capitan at 8:39 AM 4 comments

Thursday, September 15, 2005
Understatement of the Year

Came across this quote on Ace's site (c'mon, you know you like to read it too), and I couldn't help but laugh when I came across one of the best examples of someone understating something significant.

"... we disrupted their (IED) class with an artillery attack..."

Here's the actual quote from Colonel H.R. McMaster

"I mean, basically, you know, in a lot of areas of this city, it was -- it was the schoolhouse for the enemy. And they would go in -- they took over schools. They would go into schools, have classes on how to do an IED. I mean, literally, chalkboards. We've got photos of students and teachers standing in front of chalkboards. And, you know, in one engagement we had about a month ago we were able to gain observation of the enemy having an IED class outside of a school with, you know, 30 people gathered around, digging up a hole, and showing how you put in an IED. Now, we disrupted their class with an artillery attack that resulted in 30 of the enemy being killed on that occasion. But it's another example of what the enemy was using this area for."

I'm not in the Army, but I do think this deserves a Hoowa!
Or is it Huwaa!
Hwa!?
Hooowhaa maybe?
The Air Force really doesn't have one.
Well, we do, but just sounds like the Lamda Lamda Lamda cheer from 'Revenge of the Nerds.'

posted by El Capitan at 3:16 PM 5 comments

New Air Force Uniform of the Day

Interesting little memo that was sent out across the Air Force this week.

SUBJECT: AFMC Uniform of the Day (UOD) Policy

1. We are a nation at war and everyone working in the Air Force Material Command (AFMC) must remember our primary job is to provide the best support they can to the warfighter. Many of our fellow Airmen and fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq; others are now deployed aiding relief efforts in the Gulf Coast. Wearing our Battle Dress Uniform (BDU) and fight suits as our duty uniform every day will serve as a constant reminder to us, and those who we come in contact with, that our job is to support our fellow Airmen.

2. Effective 19 September 2005, the AFMC UOD for Air Force military personnel will be the BDU of flight suit. The Desert Camouflage Uniform (DCU) is not authorized. Only the woodland pattern BDU, the new Airman battle uniform, or green flight suits are allowed. Of course there are exceptions... yada yada yada.

In other words, out with the blue and in with the green/brown/black. I'm surprised we haven't changed our headgear to the black berets our Sister Service wears.

Damn, there's going to be a run on uniform items on base, which means it'll take another 4 months to get more stuff in.

Should get interesting.

posted by El Capitan at 11:45 AM 5 comments

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Via Drudge: Onlookers horrified as Michael Jackson is spotted at a Dubai water park - wearing a skin tight all-in-one Lycra suit...

Let me guess... is this what they saw?

posted by El Capitan at 3:42 PM 1 comments

Let's Give These Folks a Hand...

For putting the final nail in the coffin in the debate as to whether or not Louisiana's elected officials give a rat's ass about their citizens.

While Bush was finishing off New Orleans by dynamiting the levees and keeping federal help from reaching the residents of the city because they didn't vote for him, Rep. William Jefferson was doing what most of his fellow bureaucrats were doing... looking out for number one.

Add this to Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu's assertions that the hundreds of city buses and school buses throughout New Orleans were not used because a) they were flooded out before the Hurricane came, b) none of the buses ran because Bush didn't believe in Mass Transit, or c) the historically lazy drivers were not dependable enough to help evacuate residents. (Her insinuation, not mine)

And don't forget Governor Kathleen Blanco's refusal to initially allow FEMA and other federal services into New Orleans because she didn't want to relinquish any jurisdiction to the Federal Government, delaying much needed aide to those who needed it the most. UPDATE: Via Political Teen, Governor Blanco caught on tape prior to a CNN interview admitting she hadn't asked for troops from the Federal Government, yet when pressed during the interview she says she did ask... she just couldn't remember when. Let me guess, Bush erased her memory.

Last but not least, Opportunist extraordinaire and future national political candidate Mayor Ray Nagin accused the federal government of being racist for not helping out his city's residents sooner, yet according to his own evacuation plan, he was responsible for coordinating the evacuation, and it was his job to coordinate the use of city and school buses to drive those less fortunate out of harms way prior to the storm's arrival.

I don't think Hollywood could have written a more tragic comedy with a cast of characters as pathetic as these folks. Sadly though, if they had tried, it still would have been Bushes fault.

Don't believe me, then why does the MSM still do stuff like this?

And this, this, this, and don't forget this.

posted by El Capitan at 7:29 AM 0 comments

Al-Qaeda's Air Superiority Aircraft

Pakistan raided and destroyed 'a major al-Qaeda hideout' the other day. In this raid they seized weapons, communications equipment, and most important... a small, Chinese-made remote controlled drone.

Now I admit that I was impressed with this major bust by Pakistan. Impressed of course until I saw the picture of this captured Chinese-made remote controlled drone.

This feared piece of high-tech military machinery is exactly what I bought for my son last Christmas. I kid you not, this terrorist drone is none other than the Megatech RC Firefly.

After the tears stopped rolling down my face and my sides stopped hurting due to uncontrollable fits of laughter, I realized that Pakistan must have really really wanted to impress our government.

Turns out that President Pervez Musharraf is visiting the US this week. He's already obtained a pledge for funds to build a wall along the border with Afghanistan to "help stop drug trafficking and incursions by terrorists." Most likely it's an employment program which will bring jobs to the region, and a paycheck is always a more effective barrier to terrorism than the silly wall they're pledging to build.

So to my fellow Americans... be afraid. Be very afraid, for al-Qaeda has now obtained air superiority with their Megatech RC Firefly.

posted by El Capitan at 6:19 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
We Knew This Day Would Come....

...but it doesn't mean it still not a bummer. Arthur Chrenkoff signed off today. He was one of my favorite blogs out there. He did more to help boost the morale of all the troops out there... the Aussies, Brits, and the GIs, than most folks could ever dream of doing. Whereas most blogs wouldn't be missed if they disappeared tomorrow, his was irreplaceable.

I hope the new job treats him well. Go send him some love if you can. He's earned it.

posted by El Capitan at 11:02 AM 0 comments

Last Week's Torture Chamber

I forgot to explain why I was held up in a hotel room last week. I was sent out to Long Beach California to attend a two day gripe session/fact finding meeting between the Air Force and some of our buddies on the contracting side of the civilian world. B-O-R-I-N-G is and understatement.

What made it worse was the fact that I was the only person on my team without a rental car, which meant that I was smack dab in the middle of my old college stomping ground, just a few miles from the beach, yet I was stuck in this wanna-be Hilton located in the middle of your average industrial park in Southern California. Rage is also an understatement.

The only good thing about the trip was that during the meeting I was told to drive out to Edward's Air Force Base and go look at the test planes we were discussing. In other words, I got a car, I got some freedom, and I drove out there faster than you can say Supercalifragilisticexpealodotious. I spent the day out in the Desert looking at the latest and greatest toys NASA and the Air Force had to offer (always fun for us plane geeks), and then I left to hang out at the beach for a few hours before my Redeye departed out of LAX.

Lessons learned from this little trip.
A) Make sure my laptop is in working order prior to heading out. Had my battery and wireless card not failed, I could have spent my off time connected to the world.
B) Make sure I have a rental car. No Exceptions.
C) Pack more uniform items and less board shorts.
D) Bring a freak'n camera next time I'm driving through the Mojave desert at 6am.

Stuff they don't teach you in Officer Training School.

posted by El Capitan at 9:43 AM 1 comments

Monday, September 12, 2005
The Sun's Fury vs. Global Warming

Sun's String of Fury Continues as 7th Major Flare Erupts

I've thought about this for years now. Seriously, I can remember first hearing about sun flares when I was seven or eight years old, and I would go to bed at night imagining that the earth was going to get deep fried while I slept. Logically I assumed that if we didn't get burned to a crisp, things would at least heat up a bit here on earth.

Fastforward to 2005, what has changed? Here's a story about the sun acting up and spewing out radiation and charged particles. The story focuses on the solar storm's effects on power grids, satellites, and communications, yet speaks nothing of the impact it has on our planet's weather system. Why not? Haven't we figured out by now that solar flares either warm us up or don't?

According to the Stanford Solar Center, they believe Global Warming is directly related to solar activity. It's common knowledge that our son is young and still growing and getting warmer. Logically they decided to compare the earliest sun temperature records with the earth's climate records from 1860 to present.

This reminds me of the old Arsenio Hall catch phrase, 'Things that make you go Hmmmmm.' If a freak'n seven year old can put 2 and 2 together, why can't the rest of the global warming fanatics?

Oh, I get it. Here's a great line from a brief article on the relationship between solar flares and global warming. "A strong link between solar flares and our climate, if it exists, could override the influence humans have on the temperature of our environment."

Global Warming is an industry, a big business, and a quasi-religion for so many people. To upset the balance between global warming fanatics and their own false reality would be like telling some religious folks that their faith was based on lies. It ain't going to happen. There's more money to be made by living in denial than there is by facing reality.

Of course we should absolutely have clean air, water, and strive to protect our environment, but we should do it properly and not act out of fear or false pretenses. Yes, saying stuff like this is like talking to a wall. People will always be set in their ways, I know.

Just remember that the latest Solar activity, the approaching radiation and heat, and the climate changes due to these events are all Bush's fault.

Stay tuned for Kanye West telling us all that 'George Bush Hates Solar Flares!'

posted by El Capitan at 9:17 AM 2 comments

Sunday, September 11, 2005
The WTC Address

Two hundred and twenty nine years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great international war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war.

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

posted by El Capitan at 11:05 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Silence is Bad

I'm locked up in a hotel in the middle of an industrial park within 5 miles of the beach, yet I can't leave. You want to know what torture is... this is it in it's purest form. To make it worse, my laptop battery failed and my wireless card for my laptop broke, leaving me stranded from the rest of the world. All I have is this P.O.S computer in the lobby of the hotel.

This sucks, and will remain sucky until I fly back home on Friday.

I guess it could be worse. I could be down on the Gulf Coast.

This still sucks.

posted by El Capitan at 7:23 PM 5 comments

Monday, September 05, 2005
Coming Soon to a Theater Near You...

He faced down Iranian hardliners...

...and stuck it to the evil imperialist American soldiers in Iraq.

He nearly conquered America with his friend Kim Jong Ill...

...using cunning hand to hand skills he learned while married to Madonna.

Now Sean Penn is taking on his toughest role yet...

Coming soon to a theater near you, Sean Penn is
'The Publicity Whore'

He sets out to save New Orleans' last victims with a leaky boat, a broken motor, bullet proof vests, and a vast entourage of photographers, news reporters and body guards. The Big Easy may have suffered at the hands of Hurricane Katrina, but it cannot escape the wrath of Sean Penn in his most autobiographical role yet....

'The Publicity Whore'*

*A Streisand/Sheen Production
in association with Michael Moore Studios.

posted by El Capitan at 12:08 PM 7 comments

Friday, September 02, 2005
The NBC Concert for Katrina Relief.... HA!

Just a quick note on Mike Meyers and Kanye West's monologue during the NBC Concert to raise money for the Red Cross tonight.

Most pathetic moment: Kanye West, "They're coming down to shoot us," and "George Bush doesn't care about Black People."

Funniest moment: Mike Meyers, speechless, and turning to look at Kanye after he said George Bush doesn't care about Black People. He just couldn't say a single word.

Almost as funny a moment: The camera catching Mike Meyers' speechless gaze, cutting Kanye West off in mid-sentence, and then panning to Chris Tucker who ran in front of a refrigerator behind stage to cover for Kanye West's lapse of sanity. Chris went on to tell the viewers to, "Send trucks of water." He was obviously improvising and forgot that they weren't asking for trucks of water... they were asking for donations to the Red Cross.

Almost missed this one: Matt Lauer's final speech for the night covered Kanye West's 'emotional' outburst by saying that disasters such as Katrina are a catalyst for inspiration, as well as criticism, "such as you may have heard tonight." Good save Matt, good save.

Priceless... yet pathetic. Mr. West was too 'emotional' to understand that he probably lost more money for the effort by pissing off thousands of potential donors who might have disagreed with his 'George Bush is a racist' speech.

Either way, please ignore the intellectually superior entertainers like Kanye West and do what's right, help your fellow Americans in need. (Red Cross)

Oh, and don't forget that George Bush hates black people.

posted by El Capitan at 9:49 PM 10 comments

Dear Miss Rhodes

You Said: "This President is never gonna do the right thing. I think somewhere deep down inside him he takes a lot of joy about losing people, if he thinks they vote Democrat or if he thinks they're poor, or if he thinks they're in a blue state, whatever his reasons are not to rescue those people who are (planning?) for their safety."

The Rest of America Says: "We are not Republicans or Democrats, Conservatives or Liberals, Black or White.... We are Americans and Human Beings. Do not politicize this tragedy."

I say: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Randi Rhodes, Air America's sweetie pie, right here tonight. I want her brought from her happy little New York City perch where all the other extremist moonbats live and I want her brought right here, with a big ribbon on her head, and I want to look her straight in the eye and I want to tell her what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit she is!

Hallelujah!

Now stop politic-pimping this tragedy and move the hell out of the way so the rest of us human beings can get to work!

Can I get a witness?!

Hat Tip Michelle and Brian, and to 'Clark Griswold' for finding just the right words

posted by El Capitan at 11:10 AM 7 comments

Thursday, September 01, 2005
September 1st: 'A Day That Will Live In Infamy'

That's what my father said 30 years ago today. I think my mom just shouted for more pain killers. The nurses seemed impressed about my arrival for some reason. Come to think of it, I still get that look every now and then.... but that's another story.

Other infamous happenings that occurred on 1 September.

1939: Germany invades Poland
1983: Korean airliner 'shot down'
1969: Bloodless coup in Libya

So basically WWII started on this day. Woo Hoo!

If you'd like to see what I want for my birthday, click here. (Donate if you can)

Now in a perfect world, this is what I'd really like, but I don't think the wife would allow it in the house. I'll just settle for a six pack of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and a donation to the Red Cross.

Here's to being 30! (Lifts cup of spiked coffee)

Also, here's my post from exactly one year ago when I was in Iraq, enjoying my 29th. Good way to celebrate if you ask me.

posted by El Capitan at 7:26 AM 11 comments